The Chaotic Quiver!

My Valentine

2012-02-14T16:50:00.007-05:00

Valentine's Day is one of my very favorite days of the entire year. It's been fifteen years, fifteen years....

Since, he met me in the hall outside of my psych class and handed me a rosebud vase. He was proud of those three flowers.

Since, I stood outside of his dorm and presented him with a bouquet of twenty helium balloons. How was I to know that this gift was all wrong for a twenty-nine year old guy living on campus?

Since, he ate at a Mexican restaurant for the first time.

Since, he took me home to meet his mama, his daddy, his sisters, his niece and nephew, Bip the bulldog, Kibby the cat, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles, his cousins....

Since, he introduced me as Nancy Reagan Forrester.

Since, I first pondered the beauty of a green wheat field in February.

Since, I climbed into a John Deere tractor for the first time. His dad laughed and said, I reckon that tractor's older than you. Grand-daddy bought it in '76.

Since, he first said, I love you.

Since, our first kiss.

Since, his mama invited the preacher over to meet Wayne Jr.'s new friend.

Since, I knew God had heard my voice.

I had asked Him for a husband, I had asked Him for a home.

I got it all.... fifteen years ago.

Happy Valentine's Day, Waynie Baby!
You have my heart. Forever.
I. Love. You.

I Love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my supplications. Because He inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live. Psalm 116:1-2

The Martyr's Voice Still Resonates....

2012-02-08T18:23:00.000-05:00

Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I first learned about him when Wayne was studying the martyrs in seminary. He lost his life in 1945, a sacrifice poured out at the feet of Jesus. He gave so much to Christianity, to humanity. His words still resonate all these years later.

We teach our children at home. We try to feed them scripture everyday. We don't wish for college scholarships but hope for saints who can give a defense... To have the boldness of Bonhoeffer. Our prayer, that we raise children who will stand when the winds of change blow. And they will blow.

Jen from diaryof1.com wrote the most amazing article about Dietrich Bonhoeffer, her personal hero. You must read it. Then, you must share it.

The Staggering Relevance of Bonhoeffer

Thank you, Jen.

Don't Miss the Gift

2012-01-29T19:59:00.000-05:00

Jonathan and David

Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Saul took him that day, and would not let him go home to his father’s house anymore. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. I Samuel 18: 1-4

David stood, a lowly shepherd boy, before the king of Israel with Goliath head in his hand, an embodiment of raw courage. The great giant had been defeated by a mere lad! Can you remember the Sunday school song, only a boy named David, only a stone and sling….? Jonathan must have marveled at him, the day they first met!

You see, Goliath had wreaked havoc over forty days. King Saul and his army had been greatly afraid! They quivered in fear and dreamed of a hero. David stood to champion the king, but his own brother knocked him down, “Go back to your sheep”, he’d sneered. David still stood, and again they knocked him down. But word got out. Was Saul curious or just desperate when he sent for the brave boy? David was confident. Let no man’s heart fail because of him; your servant will go and fight with this Philistine. I Samuel 17:32. What was a giant…he’d already killed a lion and bear with his two hands.

18:1 Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 18:3 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. Jonathan was heir to the throne but David was God’s anointed. Can you see Jonathan that day? Watching this all unfold! Immediately he loved David. In fact, his first act of friendship was personal sacrifice. Giving David his belongings was just a foreshadowing of the greater loss he would suffer for his friend.

He never would be the king of Israel.

What is friendship to you?

Friendship is Jessica Dacharux.

And then, friendship is as everyday as my daily cup of coffee. My motor just doesn’t start without my mama or my sister. I can’t tell you when my mother went from being “mom” to one of my closest confidants, most likely when I realized she has more wisdom than I have sense. And then there's Fran , my wonderful sister Fran! She’s the second half of my brain… Together we have the answers to all the world’s problems. Oddly enough, we keep our ingenuity low key...…. But once we master back-chat and embarrassing pet behaviors, watch out Washington!

It seems so easy.

But we all know the truth. Friendship is hard work. For the three friends I have mentioned, I’ve run through thirty. They didn’t stick or I didn’t stay. Some were simply not meant to be, and that’s God’s grace. Jonathan would tell us that friendship is a gift you give away. Are you a Jonathan or a David? So many, many times I have been a David, the recipient.

I wonder though, did David doubt? Why would Jonathan, the son of a king, seek the company of a boy so ordinary? Yet, we know that David was far from average, he was chosen by The Most High. We have no reason to believe that David ever wavered. He accepted the gift as it was offered. These two were bound to each other by loyalty, responsibility and love.

Insecurities hinder relationships.

I’m guilty. I’ve cheated myself out of friendships. She's not really interested in me… “so and so” just wants something, we don’t have anything in common, my house is too messy, she's prettier than me, my butts too big…..(Yeah, these really are on a list of my insecurities!) Don’t be robbed. Friendship isn’t for the elite; it’s available for us all.

Accept it.

This sweet friend has a family that I admire and a joy that is contagious. She longs for the north, but lives in the south. And I'm just grateful that God brought her my way.

Just Scarfy

2012-01-27T21:33:00.002-05:00

Today needs to end. Really, it does. I have accomplished.... nothing. I tried to clean the kitchen, but the kids insist on using every dish in the house three times a day. The dishwasher and my chapped hands screamed for mercy. As I was sweeping the floor I discovered balls bigger than the Cocoa Pebbles that Phoebe showered everywhere. Tiny turds. The joy of potty training. The broom is in the corner and the toddler is now wearing a pull-up. The laundry is piled on the sofa, waiting to be folded. The pile I folded is on the floor, scattered. Eight rolls of toilet paper evaporated and a whole box of wipes were flushed down the potty.

I sent the man to the store for taco fixings but I forgot to mention toilet paper. Worse yet, the taco fixings (plus a much needed six pack of Coke and a bag of Dove chocolates) cost $34.00. Has the world gone mad?

It's past bedtime and I have to pee... and Roo could really use a wipe or two!

Earlier today, I was telling my sister about my love affair with scarves. I heart them!!! Their loud, brilliant, beautiful colors make me happy, and they mask a multitude of sins. Shirt have a stain? Put a scarf on it! Too much cleavage? Put a scarf on it! Feel like a doormat? Put a scarf on it! Really, scarves are the best thing to come into fashion since the control top.

If only I could wrap a scarf around my day and feel good about it.

Homely Tasks

2012-01-20T01:36:00.001-05:00

I sank down beside him on the couch Sunday night with my notebook and a pen. I was so smug about making a to-do list for Monday. Anything special you'd like me to add?

Him: Yeah, why don't you clean the house.
Me: Sure, and I'll dig a pool in the backyard with a spoon too!

I saw red. He had no idea that seven little words would ignite such fury in me.

You see, I thought my little list was showing some responsibility. I thought he'd be proud of my efforts.... Nah, all he really wants is a clean house. He's only lived in a dirty one for fourteen years.

I went from seething to stone silence and he just looked confused. Under all this molten lava lies a whole lot of shame. The kind of shame that makes your knees buckle, the kind that makes you grab your keys and run, the kind of shame that convinces you that you'll never be any better.

I threw the notebook against that wall and it's still stuck wherever it landed.

Our house is no cleaner, but the air is cleared. He loves me. Thank God, that man loves me!

It's 1:35 in the morning and I'm listening to his socks and underwear rumble in the dryer, that's love too.
I have so far to go....

I just read Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss. If I've ever heard the Lord shouting in my ear... it's been this week.

"Suppose then you content yourself for the present with doing in a faithful, quiet, persistent way all the little, homely tasks that return with each returning day, each one as unto God, and perhaps by and by you will thus have gained strength for a more heroic life." ~ Mrs. Cabot

The Fight For Control I'm So Glad I Lost

2012-01-12T01:19:00.007-05:00

My baby girl turns three years old in two weeks. Just one month before she was born I was being treated for clinical depression. In those dark days... all I felt was pain. I couldn't rise up out of my own mire. I wasted, I lost, I didn't even try. My mind was stuck. Stuck on words, stuck on actions, stuck on what I believed could be different. I was wrapped up in a coccoon of my own sinfulness.

My husband prayed.

God carried us.

During the unmedicated birth, I couldn't stay awake through the contractions. I was desperately depleted. It was only two hours of hard pain, but it felt like an eternity. I couldn't get a grip. I couldn't end it. I had no control.... I had no control..... I had no control.

And that is when my battle with God ended.

This was His plan.

I had indentured myself to the words and actions of stupid people.

God was merely delivering a gift.

My I can't do this became I can do all things through Christ, I can do all things through Christ, I can do all things through Christ..... And I prayed it with all of my heart.

I remember her lifting Ruby up to lay on my chest. All curled up into little ball, as if to say, Put me back! Such a precious bundle. I was overcome.

How could I have.....?

My midwife wrapped her arms around me and said, No matter how you felt, no matter what you said, this is the beginning.

He knew His gift was good.

Just the other day, while we driving around town at break-neck speed, Ruby kicked the back of my seat and said, I so happy, Mama! You happy too?

I. So. Happy. Too.

Oh, give thanks to the God of heaven!
For His mercy endures forever.

Psalm 136:26

Trash Day and New Beginnings

2011-12-31T12:43:00.002-05:00

I love Wednesday morning, merely because it's Trash Day. Our family ~~can~~ um, does accumulate an unsightly amount of garbage throughout the week and Trash Day is just plain liberating. Sadly, there's been more than one occasion when the boys forgot to take the cans to the curb on Tuesday night. Those bleak, dark mornings when I open my eyes and hear the screech of the trash truck leaving my col-de-sac without my junk, chaining me to seven more days with an ever growing mound of waste... heartbreaking.

The same emotions apply to New Year's. The opportunity to step over the threshold of 2012, without the failures and shortcomings of 2011, is glorious!

My failure in past resolutions has been my focus to become what I am not. Thus, burying myself under more guilt and disappointment. Because really, I don't want to end my love affair with Coca Cola.

This year's resolutions is different. I promise.

In 2012, I will just be me. Wife. Mama. Daughter. Sister. Friend.

You'll find me at home, making memories.

It's going to be a challenge. I've been distracted from my own life for a long time, present... but not available. So, here's to longer kisses, bedtime stories, recipe swapping, coffee drinking, game playing, long walks, family dinners, laughter, mess making......and all things found at home.

I can't afford to miss this.

On the List?

2011-12-19T11:51:00.000-05:00

We took the little girls to see Drifty's Snowball Soup at the playhouse. Phoebe and Ruby sat anxiously throughout the show for the climax, the appearance of Santa! I felt Phoebe stiffen up as soon as she saw him. She looked up at me, on the verge of tears, and whispered, "I think I'm on the Naughty List, Mommy."

Could she have been thinking about the day she colored herself with a permanent purple marker? Or maybe the night she hid the family-sized Doritos bag under her bed? Using the silverware in the sandbox? Letting the dogs out the front door? Raiding my jewelry box? Re-decorating her closet? Cracking eighteen eggs on the kitchen floor?

"No sweetie, you're not on the Naughty List."

But aren't we all? Shouldn't my name be right at the top?

I don't wipe boogers on my mom's favorite sweater or smack my little sister in the head these days, but sin... I do.

I covet.

I lie.

I yell.

I cuss.

I blame.

I cheat.

It's the ugly truth. Even in my "goodness"... I'm rotten..

Yet, I've been forgiven.

And I wait anxiously for the Perfect Gift that I don't deserve.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. James 1:17

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:23

You see, my name is on the list, in the Book of Life, because I believe. I've been delivered from my own sinfulness.

He who overcomes shall be clothed in white garments, and I will not blot out his name from the Book of Life; but I will confess his name before My Father and before His angels. Revelations 3:5

Where is your name?

A Merry Last

2011-12-10T19:14:00.005-05:00

The email read that this would be the last Christmas. The last Christmas at my Uncle Don and Aunt Shirley's house on Bonnie Brae Court. For more than thirty years those walls have been our family hub. How many times have I walked in those front doors? How many times has Aunt Shirley left me a note that read, There's a pot of stew on the stove. Make yourself at home! How many memories...?

Countless.

The brick house has been a constant in my life. A shelter in the storm, a beacon in the dark. Home.

I remember... waiting anxiously for my daddy to come home from work on Christmas Eve. All seven of us cramming into the station wagon with goodies and presents (and one year a puppy). Driving through Ashby's Gap on the "tummy tickers" and counting the seconds until we pulled into their driveway. Shedding our coats, hugging our uncles and grabbing one of our favorite cousins. A fire roaring in the fireplace, and always a big crooked tree. We'd grab a cookie or two and race to the basement. Hide and seek was, and still is, a yearly tradition.

I remember... visits from my grandparents. Once or twice a year during my childhood Granny and Grandpa would visit us from Amarillo. We would usually gather the Sunday after their arrival. A bear hug from Grandpa and a Sugar, you sure have grown! from Gran. The aunts in the kitchen, cooking and serving. The uncles in the dining room teasing the aunts. The grown-ups sitting around the table for hours visiting, eating, and laughing.

I remember... camping out on the living room floor the night before our last big trip to Texas. Dad enjoying the sweet days of his second wind.

I remember... the Thanksgiving when the house brimmed with Forresters from all over the country. Gathering to thank our Lord for a son, a brother, an uncle, a husband, my precious dad. I must never forget that we did not grieve alone.

I remember... feeling lost and rather homeless. Declaring my independence at eighteen only because my aunt and uncle agreed to feed and shelter me. Sitting around their kitchen table in the evenings. Listening to the banter between my uncle and his grown sons. Soaking in their love, God healing my heart. Thinking that maybe I'd like to be a pastor's wife, just like my Aunt Shirley.

I remember... carrying our newborn son through the front door, so proud to show him off. This house has welcomed all five of my babies, but not just mine. How many?? Let me take a minute to count. Could it be? Do we grandchildren really have 42 babies among us? Unbelievable! And the count is far from over....

I will remember... to never forget. I will this Christmas: hug the necks of my lovely aunts, uncles, cousins, and sisters, laugh loudly at the jokes, inhale the sweet baby breath of little Saul and linger at good-bye.

God is good. He has been so good to me.

And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. Joshua 24:15

You Are My Sunshine

2011-11-30T22:20:00.000-05:00

She brought me soup in bed and showered me with love. My girl, my beautiful Annie-girl. Where would this mama be without her? It's tough, to be right in the middle of two boys and a couple of baby sisters! Somehow, in the midst of all our craziness and chaos, this little gem of mine shines... so bright.

Ansleigh Frances Lowe, I thank my God upon every remembrance of you! The sun was just rising over the Richmond skyline that February morning, the first time I held you in my arms. A foreshadowing of the brightness you carry wherever you go. Thank you, Annie-girl, for loving us all so well.

Full

2011-10-25T20:46:00.002-04:00

I counted out seven forks for supper tonight. Seven chairs scraped the floor. Six plates were served before my own. My hands are full and so is my heart. Not every woman reaches super hero status by baking an apple pie for dessert, but I did. The ceaseless chatter, the constant mess, the utter chaos. The rhythm of my life.

Thank you, Jesus.

Prayers for Lydia and her beautiful family tonight.

Beautiful Boy

2011-10-18T00:30:00.000-04:00

Twelve years ago contractions rocked my world...for the first time. The labor and delivery that had been my ultimate fear were behind me and in my arms lay the most beautiful creation that I had ever seen. My baby, my firstborn son, how can it be that you're on the downward side of childhood?

Yesterday, I watched you and your dad pray at the altar with our pastor. I saw how you soaked in their prayers. What a sight. You, my boy, are beautiful.

I have no idea where this year will take us. What a glorious way to begin!

When I was a little girl I only ever wanted to be a mama. When I was in high school I dreamt of being a teacher maybe, but a mama for sure. In college I found your dad and earned my MRS degree. I could hardly wait for you!

You are my dream come true.

Each and every milestone of your life has been treasured in my heart.

I've seen the battle, Baby, for your heart. I've tried to fight it for you, but I can't. It is your's alone. Just remember, I will hold you when you're lonely, feed you when you're hungry, and carry you when you're weary. I'll be your biggest and loudest fan. I am your mama. Forever.

Thank you for surpassing all of my hopes and dreams. Happy Birthday. I love you.

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Hope Doesn't Disappoint

2011-10-12T10:15:00.003-04:00

Lydia and her mommy have changed my life. Nate and his mommy have changed my life. Seven years old, Lydia and Nate both have inoperable brain tumors.

I've only met Lydia's mommy through her blog, Byrds' Nest. She has opened the front door right into their lives. I never read it without being filled with hope and gratitude.

Little Nate is our buddy. God gave him the very best mama in the whole wide world. She's one of those people that just radiates love. I'm blessed to call her my friend. She inspires me. Her boy amazes me.

These families are enduring trials that most of us only fear....yet here they are filling my life with hope, gratitude, friendship, amazement and love.

Prayers, I ask you to send them up....Because hope, it doesn't disappoint!

Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:5

Oh No....Communion

2011-10-03T15:23:00.002-04:00

Do a little background reading in Act 10.....

Sunday morning drama. My oldest daughter and I disagreed on the definition of church clothes. She slammed doors and screamed as the hour got later. I sent Wayne on to Bible Fellowship with the four "obedient" children. I stayed back to calm the tempest. Lending my favorite pair of earrings made her smile through the tears...She softened up enough to let me in her closet. Together, we chose a cute tunic and leggings to match her new sparkly flats. I don't always dish out grace....

As I scanned the sanctaury for an available pew, I noticed the altar table....On no, Communion.

I can't partake. Not today, not with this heart.

The sermon on Acts 10 revealed my own disobedience. For the past two years I've refused to take the next step. In all honestly, I'm perfectly happy not being a pastor's wife. I see preacher-eaters in every congregation and I loathe them. Am I like Peter? There isn't anything more common than a back-stabbing cheat, is there? Peter condemned every Gentile, I've condemned every little Baptist church!

What God has cleansed you must not call common. Acts 10:15

In truth, I perceive that God shows no partiality. But in every nation whoever fears Him and works righteousness is accepted by Him. Acts 10:34-35.

Speaking as a Gentile, I am grateful that Peter took the next step and obediently took the Gospel across the divide. I also know that the same applies to me. I can't refuse to go, preacher-eaters or not.

Yesterday will be a Communion that I'll never forget.

Chaotic Bliss

2011-09-19T03:01:00.001-04:00

He's a provider, not an idler. The strong work ethic in his veins has been passed down from another generation. He calls me in snatches throughout the day, just a quick I love you. And my heart skips a beat when he finally makes his way through the back door. I am the wife of one incredible man.

I didn't get out of my pajamas on Saturday. A day of rest and absolutely no order was needed. I put The Young Victoria in the DVD player at nap time. He came home from work half way through and laid on the couch with me... I can't remember the last time we watched a movie together in the middle of the afternoon. Kids were flying throughout the house, the dishes overflowed the sink and dinner hadn't even entered my mind, but his arms were around me. Chaotic bliss.

Life is good.

Could it be any sweeter? After the kids went off to bed, the movie marathon continued! First, Jane Eyre and then Pride and Prejudice. These precious moments, when I have his full attention and he has mine, are rare. Yet, everyday and in every way he shows me what I have.... his LOVE.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:1-8

Wednesday Night Life

2011-09-14T22:27:00.001-04:00

To say that I don't get a thrill out of hearing, "Miss Reagan's here!!!", would be a lie. On any given Wednesday night during the school year you can find me in the church's gym playing The Blob or disco tag. I'm the Game Girl....and I love it! The yelling, the screaming, the chaos, the pandemonium, are all music to my ears...Fun is a lovely sound!

It all happened quite by accident, really. Last fall we were washed up. Wayne's stroke, too many poor decisions, and a failed church plant had left us broken-hearted. Our plan, that night, was to drop the kiddos off at the AWANA meeting and then skip down the road to McDonald's...You know, kinda like a date? Well, upon registering the children, I overheard the Commander mention that she had no game leader. Games? Pshht, I'm the Queen of Games! I gave Wayne "the look", and he shot me "the look" right back. I ignored his silent plea and immediately volunteered us.

Wednesdays are brutal. It never fails that this day is the busiest of the whole week. 5:45 arrives, at least two kids are AWOL, I haven't fed the little ones and the dog gets loose...This isn't fiction, this is my life. I start to panic, we'll never make it on time. Between kicking myself for volunteering and slapping together some PBJs, the kids assemble themselves into the van. I'm exhausted after dropping the five kids off at four different locations. That's when I hear, "Miss Reagan's here!", and it's all good.

Serving others brings me joy. Ministry is my delight. Children are my calling. Jesus is my passion.

He knew the best medicine for me wasn't a Big Mac and a large fry, it was fifty kids and a closet full of flat kick balls. I am grateful.

And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry. 1 Timothy 1:12

What Kind of World

2011-09-11T14:42:00.001-04:00

My boys were propped in front of the television watching Sesame Street. Wayne had just returned home from an early morning class. It was a clear, cool day in Raleigh, North Carolina. A neighbor knocked on the door. "Somebody just bombed the World Trade Center!" We turned the channel just in time to see the second plane hit the South Tower. I remember the cold fear wash all over my body. I remember standing on the playground behind our apartment with the other seminary wives.... watching the skies, terrified.

Our little family lived on a little street tucked in behind Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. It was the fall of Wayne's first semester. Those crammed duplex apartments were filled with students and their families from all over the globe. Our tiny community was international. I remember, within hours of the first attack, seeing Old Glory displayed on the porches and in the windows. It wasn't just an attack on our great nation, it was an attack on all who loved and pursued freedom.

We held candles in the dark that night, us and our neighbors. We prayed for our country, our leaders, the victims, their families and for our children. What kind of world would they grow up in?

These ten years since have brought many changes. I've become more aware.... more aware that this earth is not my home, more aware that the evil will continue, more aware that we are called to share our Hope. I know that in those towers and on those doomed flights that awful Tuesday morning, Christians did share, salvation was received and lives were spared, for eternity. I must remember to do no less today.

God Bless America.

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear. 1 Peter 3:15

Shaken

2011-08-24T02:48:00.002-04:00

I was typing an email when the desk started shaking. I figured it was our old washing machine. But the low rumble got my attention. I ran into the front room and counted two kiddos, one was away at a friend's, two more came scrambling down the stairs. My oldest shouted, "It's a tornado!" He shoved us all into the hall bathroom, including the dog.

Seconds, it was only seconds, but the impact will last for eternity. "Our we going to die Mama?" I was sitting on the toilet holding four kids and a dog... I can't describe the peace I felt at that moment. "I'm ready son, are you?" He didn't like my answer. His quick instincts had rapidly changed to panic and fear. "Don't say that!"...

The shaking stopped.

I opened the front door to find a gorgeous blue sky and a cool breeze???? Freaky. That's when I knew, earthquake. No way! In Virginia? No way! The lights never flickered, the cartoons still blared. I phoned a friend down the street to confirm that I wasn't hallucinating.We waited five minutes for the Breaking News to report 5.8..in Virginia!

My boy was rattled to his core. He paced and watched the news. Too much, this was just too much. "We're safe!", I said. "Thank the Lord, no one was hurt!" But the what ifs rolled in like a tidal wave...He stormed ALL evening.

Peace and quiet skipped right over this house tonight. It felt like I was slapping down gophers for two hours. One kid down, two hiding under the bed! Finally, the last peep was peeped, and then I heard feet coming down the stairs. My shoulders slumped, this day would never end.

"Mama, I just asked Jesus into my heart. I know I'm going to heaven when I die."

This past Sunday I cried in the pew. I bowed my head and pleaded for God to be real to my children..... It's all that I want.

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
Isaiah 54:10

Motivation?

2011-08-20T23:08:00.001-04:00

I read in Proverbs and prayed for wisdom early on Wednesday morning. It was a brand new day. Then there was yelling before breakfast. Cereal went soggy because a few potatoes couldn't be dragged away from the cartoons. Remote in hand, I zapped the television. More yelling. Chores were assigned and children scrabbled. Only one kid worked, hoping to be rewarded. I felt the pressure building up in my head....I was going to blow. Gone was my strength and my determination to make this day better then the last. I've grown weary of the daily battle to ~~motivate~~ move these five little bodies in the right direction.

A new school year is here, I mean right here, banging down my front door. The "perfect" curriculum was purchased months ago. The school supplies have all been ripped open. I have been attempting to turn our playroom into a multi-functioning classroom that will be the hub of learning. My attempts have been meager... my efforts interrupted. Why do I do this to myself?

We need a good year.

My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73: 26

My Isaac

2011-07-31T22:32:00.004-04:00

I was still trembling from the birth when they placed our new son on my chest. I remember his daddy's firm hand on his little back as we offered up a prayer of thanksgiving. In that moment we committed to raise this child under our Savior's authority. We didn't know then that four more births and four more dedications would follow. I cherish each one.

This past week has been one of brokenness. The storm that has been raging within my boy did not blow over. I failed to chase the clouds away. There is an ache in my chest. Why God?

A friend shared 2 Timothy 1:12 with me. I have clung to this promise all week. For this reason I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day. YOU are keeping my son? YOU are keeping my son. Thank you, Father.

This morning, Wayne preached in a country church almost hidden by the corn fields. The place is filled with a sweet, sweet spirit, it was good medicine for my breaking heart. A woman handed me this poem... How did she know? She didn't. God is good!

Trust Me With Your Isaac

By Beth Moore

For every Abraham who dares

to kiss the foreign field

where glory for a moment grasped

Is for a lifetime tilled .

The voice of God

speaks not but once

but ’til the traveler hears

“Abraham! Abraham! Bring your

Isaac here!”

“Bring not the blemished sacrifice.

What lovest thou the most?

Look not into the distance,

you’ll find your Isaac close.”

“I hear the tearing of your heart

torn between two loves,

the one your vision can behold

the Other hid above.”

“Do you trust me, Abraham

with your gravest fear?

Will you pry your fingers loose

and bring your Isaac here?”

“Have I not made you promises?

Hold them tight instead!

I am the Lover of your soul -

the Lifter of your head.”

“Believe me, O my Abraham

when blinded by the cost.

Arrange the wooded altar

and count your gains but loss.”

“Let tears wash clean your blinded eyes

until unveiled you see -

the ram caught in the thicket there

to set your Isaac free.”

“Perhaps I’ll send him down the mount

to walk right by your side

No longer in your iron grasp

but safer still in mine.”

“Or I may wrap him in the wind

and sweep him from your sight

to better things beyond your reach -

believe with all your might!”

“Look up, beloved Abraham.

Can you count the stars?

Multitudes will stand to reap

from one dear friend of God.”

“Pass the test, my faithful one;

bow to me as Lord.

Trust me with your Isaac -see,

I am your great Reward.”

My Isaac, my son.

A Promise

2011-07-24T22:34:00.002-04:00

I am a promise

I am a possibility

I am a promise with a capital "P"

I am a great big bundle of potentiality

And I am learnin' to hear God's voice

And I am tryin' to make the right choice

I am a promise to be anything God wants me to be.

I can go anywhere that He wants me to go

I can be anything He wants me to be

I can climb the high mountains

I can cross the wide sea

I'm a great big promise you see!

I am a promise

I am a possibility

I am a promise with a capital "P"

I am a great big bundle of potentiality

And I am learnin' to hear God's voice

And I am tryin' to make the right choice

I'm a promise to be anything God wants me to be

Anything God wants me to be!

A promise, a possibility, a great big bundle of potentiality.... I never imagined that it would be this hard to be a mother. It never entered my mind that my son would go to war, with himself. How frustrating not to have the answers! How disappointing that I lack the faith.

Oh Father, let my boy be more than a possibility.

Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

Board Games...and Confessions

2011-07-19T19:12:00.000-04:00

Friday night the three older kids went to blows over a pair of ear phones.Three sets of ears plus one set of phones equals ringside seats to the biggest fight in town. After Wayne and I broke it up, we banished the hoodlums to their rooms and promptly "unplugged" them! No Ipods, no TV, no Wii, no computer, no friends....until, maybe forever!

It was as if we had sentenced them to face the firing squad. "Play outdoors....with my brother?" "Read a book in the su--mm-er?!" (Insert whine here.) It got so bad that I was planning my own escape. Stealing away to the theater to watch a movie sans kids and the husband sounded delightful! Ah, but dad had other plans. "Family Game Night, guys!"

And what was the game of choice? None other than the Memory Game!! It might have been Round 27 before I was ready to stab myself in the eye. Ethan put it best when he declared, "This game kinda sucks." Not that "we" allow the use of such a word, but that was putting it mildly! Every fiber in my body wanted to bail...but for a certain little two year old who waited ever so patiently for her turn. She loved it...all was right in her world. Her daddy, her mommy, her bubbas and her sisters all sitting in a circle cheering for her on every seventh turn.

The truth is, we need Family Game Night.

My confession is, I hate Family Game Night!! It's the waiting, oh the waiting for each indecisive child to take his/her turn, the whining, the pouting, the gloating...You get it, right? Am I so criminal to prefer Movie Night instead? Pop some popcorn, pour some soda, rent a movie....and I get five semi-quiet coach potatoes and one snoring husband. *Bonus* While they watch, I get to read a book!

Reality: It's easier to maintain five children then to teach/train five children. I can feed, wash, dress and transport them and never even know them....It's really quite easy to do. But there's not much satisfaction in that kind of parenting. I want more.

Good, Good Days!

2011-07-13T14:58:00.003-04:00

So much to write, my mind is racing. Life is a rush these hot summer days. Archeology camp for the boys, play dates for the girls, a VBS to prepare. No time to sit, less time to procrastinate! It's all good, really, really good. Two years ago this week, we emerged from a pit that some would call a church. It took some time to break the chains....but they are indeed broken. Praise the Lord!

This past week, Wayne directed a basketball camp at our church. Fifty-eight kids attended, local high school coaches volunteered to teach clinics, and some pretty incredibly people from our church stepped up and poured themselves out. Nine of these children made decisions to follow Christ.... It was a joy! There aren't words to describe my gratitude for having a place to worship, a place to serve, a place to grow, a place to belong, and a place to wait. God's moving in this family....

I heard this song , Washed By the Water, for the first time Sunday. Of course, it struck a cord with me.

Haircuts and Heartaches

2011-07-02T23:41:00.002-04:00

My Annie girl had the cutest little pixie cut. That is, until her older brothers told her she looked like a boy. It was a nightmare to grow those bangs out! Her light brown hair has grown long and thick these past few years... She started murmuring about a "new style" several months ago. Circling pictures in magazines, pointing out cute tweeny girls at the store. I put her off and put her off and then I flat out said NO! Those long locks are as good as my own, Baby! Wasn't I the one who washed, brushed and detangled? As mothering goes, I'm just a tad controlling.

Ethan and Annie, Spring 2008

I realize I need to let my girl be her own girl. Even if that means she'd rather look like Celina Gomez than Ramona Quimby. So, I caved today. Annie skipped right up to the salon chair, picture in hand, and grew up right before my eyes.

One pleased customer!

But as I mentioned, I like to be in charge. Phoebe Ryann is still young and pixie cuts are still darn cute!

Sure and Steady

2011-06-19T02:00:00.000-04:00

Steady. My guy is steady. At nineteen years old I wise enough to understand that steady was good for me. I admired the twinkle in his eyes and the smile on his lips, but his heart is what really captured me. He is who he is, he does what he says, he loves who he loves. Sincere, dependable, honest, compassionate, gracious..... STEADY.

He is my perfect match. He completes me. Together, we've been blessed with five beautiful children. I may have carried each of them within me...But my man, he carries all of us, everyday, everywhere he goes. He's the hardest working person I know, and he does it all for us. I could not ask for more.

A frazzled wife, rowdy kids, and disobedient dogs greet him (in one way or another) each afternoon as he arrives home from work. Are we really enough reward for all of his labor? I can tell by the twinkle in his eyes and the smile on those lips that we are.

Happy Father's Day, Wayne Autry Lowe, Jr.! I adore you. I love you. I thank God for you.

He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you. But to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

My Heart Sings

2011-05-26T11:43:00.002-04:00

I can't deny it, I've been out of tune. Days have passed, time's marched on. My kids have grown. I've been here, but I've been absent. They need me. They need me to smile. They need me to laugh. They need my heart to sing. So, I packed them up and drove out of town. The effort to get them all ready almost made me quit. But I wanted to go. You see, there is a patch, right smack in the middle of absolutely nowhere, with the sweetest strawberries ever! My efforts were rewarded.

She came, she saw, she devoured.

I know it's a shock, but this girl stayed pretty clean!

Only one boy stayed in the patch to help Mama fill up the buckets.

Aren't they beautiful?

Sticky sweet children, juicy red goodness, my heart was full. Full of praise and gratitude for the One who didn't withhold the beauty of this day, despite my sinfulness. My God is good, all the time. He created me for these moments. His gifts surround me, His salvation covers me. What else can I do? My heart sings!

Sweetness should be shared.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. James 1: 17

My Mama

2011-05-07T14:58:00.003-04:00

On my ninth birthday I asked for chicken nuggets for dinner and rainbow sherbet for dessert. Seems pretty run-of-the-mill, but not in 1986! Chicken nuggets were only served in fine eating establishments like the Golden Corral and McDonald's back in the day. The frozen, processed, breaded chunks we are now so fond of, were merely a twinkle in Mr. Tyson's eye back then. Birthday dinners were a big deal for my mama. Dad didn't allow us to have big parties, so choosing the menu on your special day was a real treat! And mama never disappointed.

I remember driving all over town with her, hunting for that rainbow sherbet. We stopped in every grocery store, High's and 7-11 in Jefferson County, West Virginia. I waited in the front seat of our blue station wagon, as Mom ran into the last store. She came back a few minutes later, looking deflated. "I'm so sorry honey, I can't find rainbow sherbet anywhere." For years after that, Mom would buy rainbow sherbet just for me, every time she found it on the ice cream aisle. That's just the way my mama is.

Her grandchildren anxiously await her yearly arrival. They've been dreaming about Grandma's pound cakes and chocolate pies for months. No sooner does she get out of the car, after a two day journey, than she's in my kitchen, cooking up each person's special request. Her visit also signals an annual laundry room over-haul. It'll be the only time in twelve months that our feet will actually touch the tile in there! She's a keeper, our grandma!

I have a chest in my room, filled to the brim with cards, beautiful hand painted works of art. Each one sent to us on a special occasion, or simply to say "I love you", from my mama. She says it bring her joy to make them. I tell you, it's a delight to see what she'll create next. She's an artist, my mama.

Truth be told, she's so much more. I'd be lost without her. Happy Mother's Day, Mama. I love you.

Grandma and Ruby

Slinging Mud

2011-04-28T23:01:00.003-04:00

She insisted on wearing a "fluffy" dress today. I said, "Why not save it until Sunday?" No, it must be worn right now, no delays! I zipped her up and tied the bow, sighing because the tag reads DRY CLEAN ONLY. I pathetically warned under my breath, "Don't get it dirty." I know the truth, this little number will be the rag bag before the end of the season. She skipped away, as happy as a princess.

Hours later I spied her transporting water from the kitchen to the backyard.....This could only mean one thing. Mud. Not good. I didn't rush out, the damage was already done, right? I hesitantly followed her path of puddles to the porch where I found the dress, discarded.

Picture Perfect!

My radiant little Phoebe. How can I not appreciate her zest for life! She sings her heart out to Francesca Battistelli, drags around a worn out blanket, demands an audience, and adds color (literally) to my life.

Pretty princess.

Just a little finger paint Mom...

But Mommy, the baby wanted me to color on her face!

This is the stuff that drives me crazy! This is the stuff of that makes me smile....after I clean up the mess. I'm in love.

Mending Fences

2011-04-24T00:40:00.003-04:00

Before you read any further, listen to Chris August's song 7 x 70. I love this song.

He clung to me and begged forgiveness, but I was numb. I had slipped into self-preservation mode. Shielding myself from my own child has become second nature. And then this song came on the radio. This could be my boy's anthem. He breaks my heart and then I return the favor. Lord, help me.

Have you ever noticed the day after a big storm? It's bright and clear, as it was in this house today. Laughing at MegaMind, stuffing Easter eggs, planning tomorrow's menu. You'd never know that yesterday we hung off the ledge. Why?

HE know's we need this calm... to collect ourselves, to gather our strength, to mend the fences.

Forever my joy, my delight, my son. As much as I fear that I have failed you, I pray that God will knit us tighter to Him, to each other. More storms will blow, more fences will fall. You'll never have to mend them alone, I promise.

Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes" Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, "Lord, I believe: help my unbelief!" Mark 9:23-24.

The Shame Game

2011-04-20T02:22:00.007-04:00

Last week the kids and I were listening to AFR in the van. On the broadcast was Carolyn Tweetmyer, an adoptive mother of six Ethiopian orphans, as well as the biological mother of seven. Yep, thirteen kids in all! Two of her adopted children are HIV+. In fact, her daughter Selah was suffering the end stages of AIDS before the Tweetmyer's rescued her. She's now thriving. Amazing!

AIDS. I remember the panic, the fear, the stereo-types..... In the sixth grade my parents allowed me to take an AIDS awareness class at school. This was odd for my folks because they avoided discussing " the birds and the bees" all together! Even back then at the beginning of the AIDS crisis, I understood that I couldn't contract the disease by drinking after another person. I also understood that this disease came with a terrible, terrible stigma...no matter how it was contracted. To me in 1989, AIDS = shame. I wasn't the only one.

Over the years my views have broadened. This terrible illness entered my reality.

So, here I was in the van with kids and the oldest asks " Mom. how does somebody get AIDS?" Wayne and I are trying really hard not to let "sex" questions be taboo, but I must admit that I stumbled through that part. Clean blood and infected blood, mothers and babies....I know I confused them all! When he said, "Should I be afraid?" I answered, "Never." "Can we play with a kid who has AIDS?" My response, "Of course you can!" His last question, "Would you and Dad adopt one of those kids?" "In a heartbeat son, in a heartbeat." I am grateful....we've come a long way.

Carolyn Tweetmyer said that there is treatment available in Ethiopia. Then why did she say that one in every three adults in that country is HIV+? Shame. They don't seek help because they are too ashamed to admit they have this illness. Fathers and mothers die everyday. Children suffer, they are orphaned, they die too. Help is right there....

It hit me like a ton of bricks, shame. I know I've wagged my finger and said, "Shame on you!" to a kid or two. What I was really trying to do was conjure up some kind of remorse. But shame isn't remorse. Everything I've ever been ashamed of I've hidden. Sneaking around in my younger days = shame. Debt = shame. I buried my shame so deep and disguised it so well that guess what happened.....it got BIGGER. Too embarrassed to ask for help, too afraid of the consequences, my problems just grew in the dark. Help was right there....

There is no shame in forgiveness. How many times has my shame left me totally exposed? No where to go, no where to hide, nothing left but surrender. Sweet surrender. God doesn't shame us, we shame ourselves. He releases us from our shackles. It's my prayer for the people of Ethiopia, who suffer shamefully, that they would accept the hope being offered. Souls should never be lost to stigmas. Thank you Jesus for setting us free!

Psalm 130

Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord;

Lord, hear my voice!

Let Your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.

If You Lord, should mark iniquities,

O Lord, who could stand?

But there is forgiveness with You.

That You may be feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

And in His word I do hope.

My soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning.

O Israel, hope is in the Lord;

For with the Lord there is mercy.

And with Him is abundant redemption.

And he shall redeem Israel from his iniquities.

Click here to see Carolyn Tweetmyer and her amazing family.

The Next Best Thing

2011-04-13T00:00:00.002-04:00

We took the kids to the farm yesterday and had a picnic with Meme. It was delightful. The crop in the field surrounding her house rotates, it could be wheat, cotton, peanuts, soy beans or corn. It's wheat this year. My favorite. With the world in more chaos than my kitchen and pain all around us, I find myself watching the skies, waiting for "the day". I am thankful for a tiny place in southeast Virginia that's the next best thing to heaven. Roots are good.

My youngest and my oldest.

Now that's a tree-full!

My Annie-girl.

Phoebe Cakes
That's Wayne's great grandparents' home over to the right.

Covenant Friendship; Part 1

2011-04-03T20:38:00.004-04:00

I was invited to speak at a ladies tea this weekend. The theme was friendship. I dug deep into myself and deeper into the Word. I couldn't even finish what I came prepared to say... The Lord is working on me. So, I'm still chewing on the topic. I'll post as He speaks. Here is my intro: (Yes, some of this old, but it was the very best way for me to express how good friendship has been to me.)

Covenant Friendship

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

I was a chubby little twelve year old when I met my very first covenant friend. We were on our way to church camp. In fact the first thing I ever said to her was, “Are you adopted?” Twenty-two years later I can still feel her icy glare. I don’t know why, but I got the distinct feeling that she was out of my league. Her hair was brushed, her nails were polished, her glasses were sweet and her clothes were clean. I can’t remember exactly how I looked on that day, but family pictures dating back to 1989 suggest that I was a mess! Somewhere between the hour long sermons, inedible camp food, and an over-crowded swimming pool a miracle occurred. Jessica Dacharux became my friend!

Only God knew that a week after returning from camp my dad would be struck by a terminal illness. With my home life in upheaval, Jessica’s mama offered to let me spend a week at their house. Little did Mrs. D. know this invitation would multiply her children from 3 to 4! Throughout my years of junior and senior high school their home was a constant source of encouragement and a refuge from life’s storm. When I couldn’t bear to let my daddy go, I ran for safety in Jessica’s room. When my choices were poor and my young life had grown stagnant, I was given the third degree at their kitchen table. I was reminded by her parents that I could be anything I wanted to be, that I could reach for more than I was accepting.

After graduation, Jess had her future all planned out. She was bound for Liberty University to pursue a career in journalism. Me, I was wishing for marriage and dreaming about babies, though mature enough for neither! By God’s grace I found myself right beside my best friend that August night when her parents left us both on a foreign campus. I cried harder than she did! College was good to both of us. She zipped right through and finished in two and a half years, but not before she met her future husband and introduced me to mine. On my wedding day she stood just to my left. Four months later I held her bouquet as she promised Matt forever. We were all grown up and living with half the country in between us.

She drove through the night to meet my first baby and eighteen months later she returned to welcome my second. While I was knee deep in diapers, Jessica was graduating from law school. It’s always been a thrill to brag, “My best friend’s a lawyer.” Yet, with our different accomplishments came insecurity on my part. I let time slip by, convincing myself that she was finally beyond me. But I was wrong; the Lord had sewn us together at the soul. It was on her thirteenth birthday that I gave her one half of a golden heart and only last year that she told me she had kept it. I’d kept mine too, all these years.

I’ve only laid eyes on her three times in the past decade. Jess is a new mama now. Her little boy is affectionately known as “Team”. During his long awaited arrival, she let me peer into her life. And if only in cyber-space, it seemed I walked the journey with her. She is, and always will be my covenant friend.

Inconsistantly Yours,

2011-03-30T00:58:00.003-04:00

If you could see into my soul, you'd see that my greatest disappointment is myself. It's the truth. The title of this blog says it all, my life is chaotic. In fact, I seem to manufacture unhealthy levels of chaos. This week I have implemented a schedule for our family. The kiddos are thriving on the predictable rhythm of the day, but it's killing their mother. Order scares me. It makes my toes curl up in frustration. Like a hummingbird, I flit and flutter from one thing to another. I don't know how to function any other way.

Life these days is showing me that it's time to change. It's not about me. It's not about what I know or what makes me tick. It's about them. One great man, and five beautiful babies. It's about the others, too. The precious people I seek to serve. And there's the catch. No balance, just well intended chaos. I spend an evening baking a meatloaf for a widower only to feed my kids stale cereal. My ear is bent for hours on the phone, sympathizing. Yet, my husband's first waking prayer is that he'll find a pair of clean underwear.
See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:15-16.

I have found courage in a cloud of witnesses. There are other women, wives and mothers, who give of themselves wholeheartedly, and in order. I watch them, I read about them and I am moved. These sweet souls have graciously hung the little red feeder out on the patio and this thirsty hummingbird is drinking in the goodness. Authentic counsel. Everyday sinners just like me. Thriving in grace. Yeah, I'll drink their kool-aid. Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin that so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1

Follow these links to the blogs of some incredible sisters: This Crazy Life, Little Pieces of Ordinary, A Holy Experience, Embracing Girl Friday, and Mercy Days.

This summer the She Speaks Conference will be held in North Carolina. It would be an honor to attend. The conference is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of our Father God and that your heart is to serve Him and His daughters, as He leads. A Holy Experience is providing one very blessed individual with a scholarship. It could be you!

Little Pictures

2011-03-23T10:39:00.001-04:00

I was called into the counselor's office after my boy's session last week. He assured me that I had a great kid. But then he said, "His level of anxiety is on a whole other plain than you or me." I nodded my head, this is why we came. Apparently, my boy's greatest fears revolve around his dad. He fears that Daddy will have another stroke, that Daddy will lose his job, that Daddy won't make enough money to pay the bills. My poor precious boy. I am filled with shame that I haven't, that I didn't shield him. I could have saved him from this pain.

"Loose lips sink ships." I haven't been quiet about my own anxieties. I have aired my fears and frustrations just as I would the laundry on the line. I made it public information. I thought that I was the one enduring the hardship of a miserable church, our financial tsunami and Wayne's health scare...But I wasn't the only one. Five pairs of eyes watch everything I do, they hear everything I say, they feel the full weight of my burdens. All of the energy I used to claw my way out of the pit, only to be burying my child in it! I am guilty.

All of that said, these last few weeks have been good. I can see spring budding in our home. We've been winterized for too long....just waiting for things to get better. Spring has come. Might not be the last of the frost though..... Lord, I need You!

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6

The Real Deal; Authentic Friendship

2011-03-13T12:31:00.000-04:00

I found this article written by Ann Voskamp while blog searching the topic of friendship. It is an absolute must read! You know, I believe all women are on a journey in search of authentic friendship. We often accept pseudo- friends in lieu of the real deal....Maybe, the truth is we are afraid of the real deal. Keep it simple, keep it surface. Put on a pretty smile, cute clothes, and go out with the girls...Make sure you post a ton of pictures on Facebook, to keep up appearances. All the while, your kids have gone crazy, your marriage is in the tanker, and you can barely get out of bed.

Authentic friendship takes you way beyond Friday night. It's goes deep..... I don't believe it can exist outside of Christ. It's a gift. It doesn't drown your worry with a bottle, it bathes your sorrow in prayer.

Recently, my heart has been heavy for one of my dearest friends. When my boys were babies she taught me how to pray for them. Not simply the "Lay me down to sleep" prayers, but prayers for their souls. I will never forget... Now, we have half the country in between us, and she is alone and hurting. I'd drive through the night if she needed me to, I'd scoop her and her beautiful babies up and take them home with me..... A late night call a few weeks ago, and prayers for her everyday since. I've laid her sorrow at the foot of the cross. I am reminded that friendship isn't limited by proximity or time....It's there when you need it.

Authentic friendship isn't perfect, in fact, it's likely to be flawed. But if the Son is in the center, doesn't He purify our multiple imperfections? Isn't that reassuring.

But there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. John 15:13

Don't forget... read Ann Voskamp's article!

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's a Mama!

2011-02-19T13:12:00.002-05:00

Swimming in fear is scary and exhausting. As my boy struggles to get a grip, I fear that maybe he won't. I borrow tomorrow's trouble before they even exist. It's as if the two of us are stuck on a never ending tilt-a-whirl ride. I cry and pray, his daddy prays, but the ride keeps on dipping and spinning. I fear the ride will never end.

Yesterday was a gorgeous day here in Virginia. Eighty-three degrees in February! We met about fifty of our closest friends at our favorite park. My boy worried that nobody would play with him, he fretted that we would be too late an hour before we were supposed to leave. I held my breath. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot the boys disappeared into a crowd of Nerf gun armed bandits and I only saw a blur of them for the next three hours. I exhaled!!

The best part of meeting up with our play-group is the fellowship I enjoy with the other mamas. These women have become fast friends of mine. Every week that we get together it's like a swap meet of ideas and encouragement. Yesterday was no different. I had arrived with my cup nearly empty, we left exhausted from playing, exhausted from talking.....but fully charged to face the trial before us. Friendship is good medicine, as is the empathy we moms have for each other.

This morning I read about another mama, her name was Jochebed (Exodus 1:6-2:10). Her terror wasn't an invisible fear but a terrifying reality. It was commanded that her sweet baby boy be drowned in the river. Did she let her fear take over her rational thoughts? Did she crumble? No. She came up with a plan. She made a little basket and sealed it with tar. She sent a big sister to watch over her boy as he floated in his mama-made mercy ship. How she must have cried bitter-sweet tears as she nursed the baby that had been rescued by the Pharaoh's daughter. What courage. What faith.

I'm working on my plan. I've stepped off the tilt-a-whirl.

Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Reality Check

2011-02-18T00:45:00.001-05:00

My boy's in a battle, a battle within himself. It has raged for years. I've always blamed myself because I know that I could be a better mama. As his body has grown so have his fears, to the point where he's nearly paralyzed by the unknown. And here we are, Wayne and I, hanging on for all our might, five kids to raise, work to be done, bills to pay (or not to pay) and this brilliant star that fades a little more everyday. In the heat of battle (temper tantrums), I wish for relief.....just a minute of peace....just one minute of peace. I forget in those moments just how much I love this precious boy.

These past few days have left me feeling beaten and battered. I'm guilty of being guilty. Last night as I sobbed in desperation, Wayne showed me a picture of "the big kids" playing in the bath tub when they were babies. Our dreams for them back then were limitless...we saw greatness in everything they did. Where did we veer off course? When did that cute chubby face get clouded by worry? Have I shackled my child with my own shortcomings?

This is my life at the moment. Praying that tomorrow isn't another white knuckle day.

From my new favorite author Ann Voskamp....

2011-01-26T21:04:00.001-05:00

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/01/how-to-make-a-marriage-bed/

Follow her blog aholyexperience.com , read her book, One Thousand Gifts.

Onward March!

2010-12-31T14:02:00.000-05:00

2010, twas a rough year. By far, the most challenging of our thirteen year marriage. Before I throw it out with the bath water, let me tell you what I'll carry with me into the New Year. I will carry into 2011, the love (Baby, we don't lack in that department!), the friendship ( We have the most fabulous friends.), the generosity (Had it not been for the sacrificial giving of others.... our ship would have sunk. I hope in this upcoming year that God would allow us to give above and beyond.), the laughter (it rang out inside this house, even on the darkest days!) and finally..... the hope (Despite the set backs and obstacles, our hope is continually in the Lord.) With HIM, the future is bright!

My resolutions are beginning to stack up at an alarming rate. Will I really have more patience with the kids, drop thirty pounds, be a better steward of my time, stop drinking coke, wean off of facebook, tame the laundry etc...? More likely than not, oh never mind! It's a new year and I am beyond optimistic!

Happy 2011 dear friends! Onward March!

Christmas School: Let There Be Lights!

2010-12-09T23:53:00.001-05:00

My determination to make this the "best Christmas ever" has really been put to the test. Monday was a tough day for me. We received some news that sent me crawling under the covers, only to be yanked back out by a three year old desperate to go to the North Pole. She is soaking in the joy and magic just as quickly as I'm squelching it. Feeling more grinchy then jolly, I accompanied my family to the Bass Pro Shop in pursuit of Santa and his reindeer. Wouldn't you know, Santa wasn't due to arrive for another three hours! The stuffed grizzle bear and the big fat ugly fish were no substitute....We had to find Santa and fast! Thankfully, he was hiding out at our own dumpy little mall, who knew?

Funk be gone, Christmas will go on! And it has, quite beautifully, I must say. Tuesday night Wayne read to us about how Martin Luther brought home an evergreen tree and illuminated it with candle light to teach his children about the grandeur of God. We followed suit by enjoying a Christmas tree cake that twinkled just as brightly as the stars in the heavens!

That's my limit in the cake department!

These girls light up my life!

Give me cake!

As soon as the plates were cleared, we marched the kids off to bed....much to their dismay! While they screamed foul at a 6:45 bedtime, Wayne and I were preparing the concessions for our very own Mini-Van Express! Armed with popcorn and candy, we freed the captives from their beds and embarked on a moonlight adventure. We oohed and aahed over the twinkling Christmas lights around town as we headed toward the city where the lights were bigger and brighter!

After a two hour round trip across Chesterfield County, bed was no longer a joke. What fun we had watching and singing in a stuffy van that night! This evening trip wasn't just a Christmas lights excursion, it was a gift from above. With my husband at the wheel, me at his side and all five kids safely in back seat. Life is good!..Thank you, Jesus.

A Cry For The Feet Washers

2010-12-07T00:50:00.000-05:00

My heart is grieving right now....for a friend, for a fellow laborer, for a fallen pastor. These beautiful "feet washers" are broken and hurting this Christmas. It shouldn't be so. Maybe I feel their pain so deeply because I was once in their ranks. I've witnessed one too many times "good Christian folk" peck the life right out of God's man. It is just so incredibly shameful. Years of pent up bitterness are stuck in my throat.

Wayne was in seminary for FIVE very long years. I used to think that those days were a time of real trial. He went to school full time and worked two jobs. We had three small children and I ran a daycare out of our very little apartment. The kids and I stood in a food line every Saturday morning. We got our clothes from the "sharing shop" on campus. We were thrilled to find the day old doughnuts at the bread ministry! I thought the day he graduated was probably the next best thing to the rapture. But I was wrong. Those days might have been long, but they were full of sweetness. We forged friendships there that will last through eternity. Back then, we were still full of dreams and possibilities.

Too many preacher-eaters later, I am left a little cynical. My heart is broken for a pastor and his wife that I have never even met. Their entire ministry is gone. Blameless or not, another light for our Lord has been dimmed. This is a time to mourn.

I don't know who even reads my blithering blog. But if you are reading this, would you please take just a minute and pray for your pastor and his family. I can guarantee that as much as you love him, there are others in your fellowship who would revel in his misery. Pray for them, pray for them, pray for them!

If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. John 13: 14-15

How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace. Romans 10:15

Christmas School: Loving Our Neighbors Both Feathered and Furry

2010-12-03T23:53:00.004-05:00

These cute little feeders were supposed to be our Christmas gift to the birds and squirrels that reside on Perdue Ave. However, our dog spent over an hour jumping in the air trying to snag them off the tree branches! Annie hung a few up pretty high, so maybe the little critters had a chance. Whatever fate the feeders met, we had a great time making them!

My crew minus Roo.

Ruby was absent from class today due to a virus. (We missed you Roo!) But her fellow classmates really dug in and got the job done! Annie collected the pine cones from our neighbors yard, Sam willingly sacrificed the ancient honey from the cabinet, I threw in one jar of our favorite food staple (peanut butter), and we bought a cheap bag of bird seed. Forty-five minutes of sticky hands and one seriously messy kitchen later....

Peanut butter was a better adhesive than the honey. For my sweet allergic friend, try substituting it with Cheese Whiz.

My hat goes off to Ethan. He was the only one brave enough to work beside Phoebe!

Well done sweet girl!

It was worth the mess and the dog poop I tracked in the house. Merry Christmas tiny neighbors, Merry Christmas!

FYI: This idea and many more that will follow in our Christmas School are adapted from Lisa Whelchel's book The ADVENTure of Christmas, check it out here.

Christmas School Begins!

2010-12-02T11:43:00.001-05:00

Christmas is going to be different this year. Because, this year is going to be the best Christmas ever!

Such attentive little pupils!

We've always survived the hustle and bustle of the holidays just hoping to make it to the "main event". And with the blink of an eye, Christmas morning has come and gone....All that stress, all that planning, poof it's over. I generally turn into a machine this time of year. Tree up CHECK, decorations out CHECK, shopping CHECK, Christmas Cantata CHECK, Birthday Party for Jesus CHECK, procrastinating CHECK, baking CHECK, wrapping CHECK, panicking CHECK, DOUBLE CHECK! I don't generally spend much time or energy preparing my heart, or my children's hearts, for the season....It will all soak in, right?

Reasons beyond my control dictate that this year will indeed be different. I'm embracing the change. We are going to take this month of December and linger over Christmas. I've determined that we will enjoy this season to the very last drop! We began our first annual Christmas School this week. Each kid made a Hershey's kisses advent for themselves and one to share with a friend. As of this morning, there are twenty-four kisses until Christmas! Today we'll decorate the tree, but only after we have decked a tree in our backyard for the local bird and squirrel population.

Um, Ruby ate more than she created.

Twenty-five kisses to go!

I have so many ideas, so many aspirations, and so much to celebrate! That wee little baby, born so long ago, selflessly gave His own life to spare mine. This year, we will remember, this year we will rejoice!!

So come along and join us! I'll be blogging away each Christmas School activity. BTW here's a link to Confessions of A Homeschooler, click here. Her advent is amazing!!!!

Even As We Wait

2010-12-01T01:01:00.000-05:00

Are you cheerful because you belong to Christ? Does His love comfort you? Is the Holy Spirit your companion? Has Christ been gentle and loving toward you? Philippians 2:1

I read this verse aloud during our family devotions the other day. The conviction of my own unhappiness and ingratitude hit me like a ton of bricks. You see, I've been holding my breath for the past few months, just waiting for "things" to get better. Waiting hurts. It's worn me out.

To learn humility is to learn contentment in all circumstances. Humility is not what we own or achieve, but in maintaining a teachable attitude, a willingness to bend to the will of the Father. ~Jan Silvious

Being truly cheerful, accepting His comfort, seeking His companionship, acknowledging His love for me....even as we wait. Humble or bitter, what will it be?

If You Give A Mom A Hair Cut

2010-11-12T17:57:00.000-05:00

If you give a mom a hair cut, chances are she'll want a new color to go with it. And if she picks a new color, chances are it will suck! So, she'll want a paper bag to wear on her head! A paper bag will remind her that she bought the dreaded color on clearance at Kroger's. Thinking about Kroger's will remind her that she's out of toilet paper.

So you'll have to take her to the store. Chances are people at the store will be freaked out by her hair. So she'll start crying and want to pick out a new color. Chances are the new color will be even worse....And she'll want a new hair cut to go with it!

The Prayer Of Frankenstein

2010-11-01T12:20:00.004-04:00

This was my eleventh Halloween as a mother. I have, in all previous years, held firm to a NO scary costume rule. The kids have been lions, pumpkins, Redskins, Little Red Riding Hood, the Big Bad Wolf, cave people, Buzz Lightyear, etc, etc... I've ultimately been able to munipulate their final costume choice to fit my liking, until this year. None of my "original" and frugal ideas suited them. The boys were determined to be something hair-raising! This past Thursday night found me scouring the internet for a suitable compromise. The article, "Last Minute Costumes for the Slacker Mom!", was really inspiring.

Finally, late that night we decided that Frankenstein and a mummy would appease both sides. I know that my thinking is flawed, but somehow the "classics" don't seem as vile as Jason or a chainsaw killer. Even less frightening was the fact that all I needed for Frankenstein was a milk jug, a little bit of faux fur, and Wayne's suit coat. The mummy was made out of my beloved flannel sheets....I'm really going to miss them! A lot of stress, a tons of cake make-up, some screaming, and a few safety pins later.....My little nightmares were born!

Ethan and Sam October 2010

But it all came down to one moment. A few nights ago, as we were driving home from some place, we passed a house fire. Firetrucks and police cars were coming from all directions. Wayne and I prayed out loud for the family and rescue personnel. Then, on Saturday evening with a mini van full of anxious trunk-or-treaters, we past an ambulance with it's siren blazing. Phoebe said, "Pray Mommy!" So, I prayed. Then she said, "Pray Daddy!", and Wayne prayed. She was quiet for a few minutes before she said, "Pray Frank! Pray!" I never knew that Frankenstein was a praying monster... His prayer was beautiful and heartfelt.

That little cheerleader helped her mama put things into perspective. In my effort to please my sons, I became frazzled and a little bit mean. The fun of the evening ahead was lost for me. I was sitting in the passengers seat with my arms crossed when we passed the ambulance. Phoebe's requests broke the ice around my heart and quite possibly saved some one's life. Over the past few months, countless people have told me that they were praying for Wayne on July 17. I am so grateful that the Lord heard those prayers. Such a simple thing, to lift up a prayer, even a monster can do it!

And whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus! Colossians 3:17

The effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16

I Can't Do This

2010-10-26T13:36:00.000-04:00

I can't do this! How many times have I said that? Probably, a bazillion! I can't clean this mess, I can't write this paper, I can't forgive her, I can't leave..... I have on occasion, buckled down, gritted my teeth and achieved what I thought was impossible. Lots of times, I've thrown my hands in the air and just walked away. Then, there have been those trials where I humbly surrendered to the Lord, the results were completely Him. Those moments, when I experienced the rewards of obedience, bring me comfort right now.

"I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this!" has been the mantra running through my head lately. I'd like nothing better than to stomp my feet on the floor and let out a blood curdling scream. (I'm not promising that I won't.) But, experience has taught me that a fit of rage will do more damage than good. Why does it seem like a dark cloud has descended upon us? When will the sun finally shine through? Is this as good as it gets? Is the Heavenly Father looking down and shaking his head at me? "It's your own mess little girl!"

It is my mess. I could walk around feeling shackled to it. Or, I can look to the SON who has never ceased to shine on me. Today, at this very moment.... I'm choosing to dance (I'll spare the public!), I am going to bask in the glory of Christ's mercy, and I'm going to sing praises to the ONLY ONE! I can't do anything less.

I hope somebody will remind me tomorrow what I wrote today....

I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised! 2 Samuel 22:4

For you are my lamp, O Lord; The Lord shall enlighten my darkness. 2 Samuel 22:29

The Lord lives! Blessed be my Rock! Let God be exalted. The Rock of my salvation! 2 Samuel 22:47

Dear Son,

2010-10-16T00:26:00.005-04:00

Ethan how is it that you have grown so quickly? Eleven years ago, on the eve of your birth, Daddy and I were full of dreams for you! You have surpassed all expectations. As I reminisce through your childhood I wish that I could rock you a little longer in that old red recliner, tickle that spunky little three year old, pray with that tender-hearted five year old, cheer for that all-star seven year old, laugh with that day dreaming ten year old.... You've taken me from Barney to baseball, from sweet baby breath to pre-adolescent anxiety. You have made me the mama that I am. I know that I am far from perfection, but Stinky, I am so proud of you! Happy, happy birthday!

I love you!

Crushing Days

2010-10-11T00:33:00.001-04:00

During college I had a crush on a wrestling coach named Moose. A pitiful, embarrassing school-girl crush. Moose was a student teacher and assistant coach at the same school where I worked. Every time I passed him in the hall I'd smile, blush, fumble, trip...etc. One afternoon a little boy in my after school class hollered, "Hey Coach Moose, Miss Forrester has the hots for you!" Like I hadn't humiliated myself enough already, like he didn't already know. It should have dawned on me how ridiculous I looked. I mean really, I should have bowed out graciously long before I...... I, I got burned.

On that fateful afternoon I was hot gluing the tentacles on an octopus pinata when Coach Moose came into the classroom. Was he going to ask me out? My hands started to shake. I was so nervous that I didn't even feel the hot glue that I shot all over my chest. "Um, do you need a paper towel?" I looked down to see my shirt smoldering, it was not my finest hour. "No", I winced, "I'm fine, it's a low heat glue gun." "OK, just wanted to let you know that the cafeteria will be closed this afternoon. The wrestling team needs to practice in there." Needless to say, after a second degree burn and some tears in my pillow, I avoided Moose like the plague! A crush comes by it's name honestly.

It so happens, the nice guy I stalked every morning in the cafeteria turned out to be my knight and shining armor. Even though I've been safely at my sweetheart's side for a number of years now, it hasn't stopped me from "crushing" after things I shouldn't. A house, a car, a job, a puppy...you get the picture. My hopes shoot through the ceiling, and consciously or sub-consciously I begin to munipulate the situation to my advantage. When will this girl learn? I don't feel like I can sustain another crush..... Nope, I want to leave my crushing days behind me. God's will is always best. He's proven that to me time and time again. He's never needed my interference.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit. Psalm 51: 10-12

A Lesson Learned

2010-09-12T16:04:00.001-04:00

We're one week into our second year of homeschooling. I think the kids would agree with me that it was a good week. The boys were thrilled to join a homeschool roller hockey league. Face masks, shin guards and a stick....Need I say more? Annie's reading has really taken off, which makes teaching/ learning so much more enjoyable! I took a risk this year and bought a new math program, Math-U-See, no complaints......yet! The highlight by far (at least for me) has been combining our Bible and History. I'm venturing off the beaten path and piecing together my own curriculum. Not just a little scary!

Our first stop in History is the biography of Nate Saint, a missionary pilot who lost his life in the jungles of Ecuador. As we read his biography, the kids and I are going to dig a little deeper in the events and history surrounding Nate's life. His story begins with his boyhood during the Great Depression. So, I've checked out different novels for the boys to read about that era, Bud, Not Buddy and A Long Way From Chicago.(They were intrigued by Al Capone and Bugs Maron!) We've been listening to an audio recording of Out of the Dust by Karen Hesse, a heart-wrenching account of the dust storms. On Friday night, after Wayne and I put the babies to bed, we watched Cinderella Man with the older kids. Although it broke my G/ PG only rule, I believe that it gave us an accurate depiction of a family's daily struggle and survival through the bleakest of days. My hope is that my children will get at least a small understanding of the Great Depression.

I remember sitting on grandpa's lap and listening to his account of the Great Depression. He was just a little boy when his parents left him with his grandparents and went to look for work. He told me about Davis, Oklahoma, shoes that were re-soled with the cardboard from a detergent box (but mostly he just went barefoot), how much better a Hershey's bar tasted back then, how he changed his middle name on the first day of the first grade, how his aunt's biscuits were the best he ever ate, how he couldn't afford a new motor-bike so he built one himself, how he and friend hitch-hiked through the midwest and almost starved, how good bologni and canned peaches tasted when he had eaten in days..... It's funny, he talked about food alot!!! Oh Grandpa, how I miss you! I am grateful that I listened, I'm grateful that you shared! What I would give to sit on your lap just one more time.....

Grandpa with my babies, May 2005

Richard Ansel Dickson with his namesake Ansleigh.

Sweet Ending

2010-09-03T23:44:00.004-04:00

The curtains are closing on the summer of 2010. This has been a challenging season for our family, but not all bitter, there has been a good bit of sweet. Just tonight, the babies crawled up on our bed and cuddled between Wayne and I for a bedtime story. Is there anything sweeter than baby kisses and giggles....I could have stayed there for hours, but Phoebe and Ruby had other ideas! The cuddles turned into a wrestling match and we were forced to put the opponents in their own beds! Just like my little girls dread hitting the sack, I really don't want these long, warm days to end. On the other hand, I'm anxious for the fall and for a new start! Our family and friends have filled these days with such love, more than I can even comprehend. Sweet, sweet blessings. I've highlighted a few of the sweetest spots!

*Strawberry picking at Westmoreland Berry Farm.
*Baseball.
* A Sunday night walk through the battlefield.
*A visit from Grandma and Grandpa.
*Vacation Bible School at Colonial Heights Baptist Church (The kids loved it!)
*Blackberry picking....followed by blackberry pie!
*All Stars!
*July 9, Cow Appreciation Day.
*A "hang in there friend" phone call at just the right moment.
*Hosting a 5 Day Club at our house!
*July 17, 2010, a good day to rest in the arms of Jesus.
*Friends, incredible, wonderful friends.
*Wayne's wonderful aunts and parents were with me at the hospital.
*ATP administered just in time, Wayne' speech is restored!
*Grandma and Grandpa, Aunt Fran, Nina and the cousins show up to hold down the fort.
*Food, homemade with love from family, friends and even a few strangers.
*Visitors!!!!
*The doctors found a hole in the sweetest heart in the world.
*A kind and compassionate employer.
*Prayers.
*Cousins, cousins, and even more cousins!!!!
*Myrtle Beach with the family.
*Grandma and Grandpa, Aunt Fran and Uncle Jason (& the cousins) return to the hold down the fort again!
*August 12, 2010, the hole is patched. Wayne's sweet heart is as good as new.
*Ice cream in a box! All the way from California!
* Movie nights, seven people piled up on one couch.
*Mail.
*"Bark in the Park" at the Richmond Squirrels. Tebow's first (and most likely last) professional ballgame.
*August 29, 2010, Wayne's still got it! It was so good to see him behind the pulpit again!
*Water balloon fight!

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you. Philippians 1:3

Security Breech

2010-08-21T03:17:00.002-04:00

I am a security junkie. I need it, I search for it, I cry out for more and more security. I realize the root cause for my addiction. Having a terminally ill father, who teetered on the cliff of death for years, left a scar. My daddy was my giant, my defender, my hero. Losing him was completely devastating. Since then I have sought refuge in others who were bigger and stronger than myself. It was no coincidence that during high school my closest friends had "whole" families. I really made an effort to camouflage myself within their households, hoping they might not notice there was an extra kid around. Once I hit college I had convinced myself that marriage, and a family of my own, was the only way I could feel safe and secure.

These last thirteen years of marriage haven't been without trial, but Wayne has always taken care of me. I have felt so safe that I almost forgot that I have "security issues", that is, until July 17, 2010. Wayne always comes home, but that day he didn't. Wayne is always strong, but that day he wasn't. It was as if a switch went off inside of me. "I'm going to be left all alone, again."

It sounds ridiculous. I've never been "all alone" and Wayne, well he's remarkable! But I haven't been able to shake this fear, it goes too deep. I've been holding my breath, anxious to get his recovery behind us and have our life back to normal. I want to march on, I don't want to think about "what if"..... I'd be happy to pretend that this stroke never happened. This a mere breech in security, let's patch it up and move on. But our life together isn't just about me, and tonight I'm coming face to face with my INSECURITIES. I vowed for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health... I love Wayne more today then I did when I was twenty. I like him more, I need him more, I want to be with him.....We really are ONE.

"Lord, living scared stinks. You know that I am weak, so very, very weak! At this moment I am putting my trust in YOU. You are all the security that I need. Thank you for giving me my marvelous mate. Thank you, dear Father, for sparing his life. I am grateful! Amen."

When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. Psalm 56: 3-4

The Banishment

2010-08-16T20:17:00.001-04:00

I have banished the older three children to the upstairs for next twenty-four hours. No TV, no DSi, no Wii, no freinds..... Nothing but each other. I've reached my limit with sassy talking and general ugliness. You could cut the air in this house with a knife. Mama ain't happy and she ain't playing no games either!

At this very moment, I am restraining myself from clobbering the child who is kicking the wall. The release time has been set for tomorrow evening after supper, we shall see.

Pulling the Plug

2010-08-08T00:56:00.001-04:00

Ministry at this very moment is the best and the worst. I've had grand visions of what the Lord was going to accomplish through us over the last decade. I've been puffed up and cocky. Reality: I am nothing. I do not deserve the joy that serving others brings me. I am unworthy of the calling BUT I am grateful to have been called.

Tonight, I am pulling the plug on myself and everybody else. Successful or not, we never enlisted to gain glory for ourselves but for HIM alone.I could list a thousand of excuses for the why's and the why not's, tell you tales that would make your toes curl, air my side of the story.....But what's the point? We love our Savior. We have on numerous occassions failed Him and the dear souls we seek to serve, but He is a kind and lovng God. He has dusted us off, cleaned up our messes and healed wounds. He has opened windows and slammed doors. He even laid on my husband on the floor of Chickfila and said "REST!" I love my Savior!!! Where He leads me, I will follow.

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

The Storm Is Over

2010-07-28T20:47:00.003-04:00

In the fall of 2003, the eye of Hurricane Isabelle passed over the little town of Surry, Virginia. I remember that the wind sounded like a freight train as our young family huddled in the hallway. By morning the storm was gone and so was our electricity and water. The parsonage had escaped any real damage, our van had a few more dings but we were safe and sound.

Some of our dear friends hadn't faired so well. Their home had been destroyed. When we arrived at their "house", Bill was crawling out of a broken kitchen window. The gas stove stilled worked and he had made a fresh pot of coffee. We drank coffee in the rubble. Bill and JoAnn Greene never lost their sparkle.

My Wayne didn't lose his sparkle either. Last weekend the nurses had to shut the ICU down due to visitors. The man could barely talk yet he was entertaining a crowd. There is powerful strength in friendship. The storm has passed, the damage is done and the rebuilding is already in full swing. We are not in this recovery alone.

We are grateful. God is good.
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpwered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

My Beloved

2010-07-18T01:02:00.002-04:00

Today was one of those days that you fear will come. I got the call from Wayne's work that he had suffered a stroke and was being taken by ambulance to the hospital. I dreaded walking into that ER room. I was afraid of what was on the other side of that curtain. Can you guess what I saw? The most beautiful lop-sided smile! If you know my Wayne, you know that he is known for his broad friendly smile. That's the smile I fell in love with fourteen years ago. I love this man.

My heart is in a tough place tonight. I am so grateful and yet fearful of the unknown. The stroke has affected his speech. The stroke will from this point forward affect our lives. This is our caution flag. The doctor told Wayne that it's time to slow down. There is nothing in this world more precious to me than this man. He is my joy. He is my beloved.

God is good!

Letting Go....

2010-07-07T21:49:00.002-04:00

I am a sentimental fool. A few weeks after Dad died I came across the plastic bag from the hospital filled with his personal belongings. Inside I found his worn out brown corduroy jacket, his watch and his wallet. Of all the things he left behind, these I treasured most. He wore them, he touched them, he used them everyday. I didn't want to let my daddy go.... Keeping these tokens meant that I never would. In fact, there was half a pack of Winston's in the breast pocket. I used to take the cigarettes out and smell them. It was comforting.

Comforting and painful. I hung that jacket in my dorm closet throughout college. The watch and the wallet had a special place on top of my dresser. I refused to forget. I prided myself on never letting a day go by that I didn't think about him. And if I did forget, I punished myself with awful guilt. I was a prisoner to memories. I didn't realize that I was robbing myself.

The jacket was packed in a box during one of our moves and I have never been able to find it. His watch has an honored place in my jewelry box. His wallet is tucked away in the trunk where I keep old love letters and such.....

It has taken me years to understand that my dad's memory is much bigger than the stuff he carried around. I hear him in my Uncle Steve's laugh, I see him in my adolescent nephew, I feel him when my temper gets the best of me. He's in my life as much today as he was eighteen years ago. I just had to let go to find him again. A lesson slowly learned..... I can let go, I can let go.....

I came across the wallet awhile back. I was hunting for some pictures. I didn't lament or sob. I just picked it up and gave it a little kiss. Because I miss that guy!

Watershed

2010-06-24T11:22:00.001-04:00

Today is my thirty-third birthday. Two of my darlings are throwing up this morning and all five have a serious case of the runs. Diarrhea is no respecter of birthdays. I've called in to work for this evening. Why plague the Tri-Cities? I feel the need to flee....but I can't, I am the mama.

I have just finished reading Thin Places, by Mary DeMuth, an incredible book! I know that I will carry her words in my heart for a very long time. Not only is she a wonderful writer, she is honest and willing to cut the crap (I apologize, but the word seems so fitting today). Throughout my life I have been guilty of "being guilty", shackled to my failures and shame. I've always compared myself to a better girl, a good student, an organized wife, a disciplined mother, a responsible steward, a talented pastor's wife....etc. Could I stand for improvement? The question is laughable. Yet, I was reminded this week that HE uses me despite myself.....and HE even likes me!

For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God. 1 Corinthians 1:26- 29

Survival has been challenging lately. It seems that the harder we work the deeper we fall. A dear friend suggested the possibility that we are not in God's will. I don't want to accept that we aren't.... but I know the truth. Mary wrote in Thin Places, that Hagar's (Sarah's maidservent) name meant "flight". She says, " How many times have I flown from life's mess, only to weep in the desert? How many times have I wondered whether God sees?" Reading this book brought about many watershed/ tear shed moments. I know that we have fled from a painful situation only to feel abandoned. I long to be centered again.

I am not mighty, I'm far from noble, but I'm just right when it comes to being foolish. He does see me....and He even likes me!

Lessons Learned From Amy....

2010-05-24T22:57:00.001-04:00

I heard her story at church camp, the summer of 1989. Camp Pamadeva was a miserable little hole nestled somewhere in Maryland, let me put emphasis on miserable! Bug infested, dilapidated, over-crowded, hot........ life changing. Each morning we had story time under the pavilion. It was in that rickety old pavilion that I was first introduced to my hero, Amy Carmichael, a missionary to India.

I could re-tell her story here, but if you don't already know it, you really should read Elisabeth Elliot's A Chance to Die, her life was remarkable! Amy surrendered all to become "Amma" to hundreds of children, many that she rescued from prostitution and idolatry. On the last night of camp, way-back-when, while the mosquitoes were swarming and my heart was pounding, I walked the aisle during the invitation. I knelt down at the alter and I prayed, "Make me like Amy, Lord." She has been my inspiration for the last twenty-one years.

Ministering to children has literally been my passion since I was a child myself! I am painfully aware that the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:41 Many misguided steps and sinful blunders have distracted me along the way.....but the call hasn't been diminished. I desire now, more than ever, to share the love of Jesus with the broken, with the weak, but most especially with the smallest of these. I am asking tonight, just as I did when I was twelve, "How will you use me God?"

Amma taught her children that it is enough to ask the Father. Indeed!

Confessions of a Christian School Girl

2010-05-12T19:50:00.001-04:00

I'm not quite certain that I have the guts to publish what I really want to say. Now that I've arrived solidly in my thirties....why bother lingering in my adolescent past? Because, part of those years still grieve me. We live less then two hours from my "hometown", yet I rarely go back. It seems that the closer I get to "home" a noose tightens around my neck. Memories of myself lost in loneliness and sin engulf me...I'm not that girl anymore.

I am grateful for the Christian education that I received. Christian school was instrumental in giving me a solid belief system. I had some wonderful teachers who truly poured their lives into mine. I still hold tight to friendships that bloomed back then. I AM GRATEFUL!

On the flip side, the worst smut I ever heard was probably at the lunch table. Bible class and chapel services instilled in us that the wages of sin is death. I understood sin. I knew I was a sinner. Most importantly, I knew that I was SAVED. But I still laughed at the dirty jokes.... Thus began my double life.

At the end of ninth grade I was head over heels. Over the next four years I was involved in dating relationship that constantly pushed the limits. I foolishly believed that lust, obsession and possession were love. We'd cross "the line" and I'd be eaten up with guilt...I'd repent and repeat....repent and repeat. It was a miserable time for me. Being caught was always a huge fear, not to mention the burden of being a complete fake. I received the Christian Leadership Award for two years running.

Of all the teachers and youth workers who observed me everyday only two people confronted my sin. A substitute teacher and my best friend's mother. At nineteen I was ready to take my own life. I had to end this horrible cycle. In late December of 1996, I surrendered this battle to the Lord and I left my "hometown" for good. I have no regrets!

Why now? What for? Well, have things really changed that much? Our young Christian school kids confronted about their promiscuity? Are they involved in Bible studies that teach the beauty of abstinence and the truth about pornography? What about girls like me? Neck deep in sin and afraid to let anyone know the truth? I'm blowing the whistle here! Call it what it is....reach in and get dirty....Throw in the life preserver of grace and mercy! There is a girl like me that is dying for help!

Weary Bones

2010-05-03T23:07:00.001-04:00

In my mind I'm still twenty and thin...The truth is, I was only thin when I was twenty! "Thin" didn't last long....But I enjoyed it while it lasted! Recently, I've felt a little more aged and weary. Make-up isn't as optional as it used to be and I may be forced to buy stock in under eye concealer and Red Bull. Where, oh where has my youth gone?

I'm on the pursuit of a little more zip and a dash of endurance. I don't want to accept this washed-up feeling. I realize I'm the chubby woman in the race. Next to last, huffing, puffing and stumbling. Will I make it to the finish line? My body says, "Girl, give it up!" But my heart is telling me that the pain is worth it! My goals aren't the least bit athletic other than they appear to be as unreachable as me finishing a marathon!

So, here I go! Praying that I'll be able to drop some extra baggage on this journey and pick up some umph! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" Philippians 4:13

What a Gem!

2010-04-13T19:10:00.001-04:00

Ruby Carmichael Lowe has learned to climb up on the couch, the vacuum cleaner, the bar stools and into the bath tub! My wee little girl is growing by leaps and bounds! Just a little over two years ago she was a tiny secret. Unplanned and certainly unexpected, this precious baby has changed her mama's life....for good!

For the nine months preceding her birth I was at war, against myself. "Some" people thought I had my hands full with three children, they shook their heads when we had four and at the announcement of #5, the gloves were off. I should have ignored the comments, I shouldn't have imagined the gossip spreading down the pews, I should have prayed for the ones who looked at my growing belly with scorn....but I didn't. I fell, and I fell so hard.

God is good, so, so good! He saw my weakness and He sent reinforcements! I married the most wonderful man twelve years ago! Way back then, Wayne stood out in the crowd. He was different then the other college guys. He was a little bit older, his accent was a little bit stronger and he was the most genuine person I had ever met! Let me tell you, he has not disappointed me! Wayne is my best friend and my hero. He didn't throw up his hands in despair when I crumbled. He prayed for me, silently, out loud and faithfully.

So, as I watch Ruby's toddler antics, I am overcome! She is the answer to fervent prayer! Her name suits her well, she is our precious little gem! I have been richly rewarded despite my numerous failures. When I see my little girl crinkle up her nose and smile at me, I'm reminded how good my Saviour is!

"I Know the plans I have for you," announces the Lord. "I want you to enjoy success. I do not plan to harm you. I will give you hope for years to come." Jeremiah 29:11

Mercy Triumphs Over Judgement

2010-03-11T22:43:00.001-05:00

Well, you already know that I have issues. On my list of "Issues", fear of failure is #1. I work hard at appearing to have it all together and I become a freaking basket-case if I sense that the truth might ooze out. I'm a mess! Just scroll down a few post and you'll see the picture of my laundry room from last year....It hasn't improved and neither have I!

There are moments when I feel like God must have the wrong girl. ME? Why would He want to use me? He knows that I hide dishes in the stove and towels in the bathtub. He knows that I yelled at the kids all the way to church last Sunday. He knows the countless times I've disappointed a friend. He's heard my tongue wagging long after it should have shut up. He sees my selfishness. I can not hide who I really am from the Lord. He knows me.

James 2:13 says that "Mercy triumphs over judgment." Mercy, mercy, mercy! I have had mercy showered all over me! I am overwhelmed by grace! It is my prayer that I will extend His mercy to others. It is my prayer that I will love my neighbor as myself. I am not an accident.....I am proof that we serve a MERCIFUL SAVIOR!

Night Owls

2010-01-19T00:44:00.001-05:00

It's a quarter to one in the morning and Phoebe and I are still rattling around this old house! I have discovered that it's pointless to close my eyes until she has finally surrendered to the Sand Man. Her skin is in terrible condition. It's painful just to look at her little feet and hands. So, while she is watching 24/7 Nick Jr., I am scouring the Internet looking for the missing link to cure her "boo-boos".

My late night searches have only brought me to the conclusion that....I need to go to bed earlier! Google is a dangerous thing! I really should back away from the keyboard and leave diagnosing my daughter to the experts. I could spend these additional hours doing something productive, like cleaning. Oh, but that's way out of my comfort zone!

The fact that Phoebe doesn't know anything different, her skin has been this way since the day she was born, should bring me some comfort. Her name literally means "radiant"...She is the brightest, sweetest and most lovable child you could ever meet. Her eyes twinkle with mischief and mayhem, and boy does she deliver! But as her mama, I long for relief from this chronic eczema battle. I've done everything the doctor told me to do and still her feet look like meatloaf! If another well meaning person tells me to try an oatmeal bath or moisturizer, I might have to bite them! I am disheartened that there doesn't seem to be a solution. However, Phoebe doesn't seem to be as frustrated, this is just the way it is.

"Come on Mom, watch T.D. with me!" She is my radiant fire fly...We light up the night together!

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6

I Have Issues!

2009-12-30T23:15:00.001-05:00

A few years ago I was frantically searching the web for the companionship of other miserable pastor's wives.....Because, I was convinced that I might have been the only one! I can't say that I was overcome with relief to discover that, indeed there is a large and growing number of hurting women just like me. I never did join any of the forums. Reading about other backward churches just wasn't as soothing as I thought it would be. However, one of the sites had a t-shirt for sale that read, I'm the Pastor's Wife and I Have Issues! I have donned that T many times, if only in my mind!

I can appreciate the attitude of the woman who has the nerve to wear that cute little pink get-up! "Don't expect any miracles from me, I am just as human as you are, Sister!" Let's be honest, there have been those moments when every fiber in my body wanted to tap dance on some stubborn mule's head! On the flip side, I've been guilty of being a little mule-ish. I became so used to standing on a soapbox just to get my point across that I didn't realize I had completely killed the grass underneath of me. What's the use of ministry when my attitude is a lethal weapon? Instead of being a light for my Savior, I was extinguishing the flame in those around me.

So, here we are, on the eve of a new church plant and I am absolutely terrified. It is a thrill to be re-united with fellow believers who really are closer than family. It is exciting to imagine the future without the limitations of past traditions/transgressions. I look forward to being apart of a church body who will truly value each individual regardless of........ I love these folks! My anxiety lies within myself, as it always has. Do I have what it takes? Do I cut mustard? Seriously, I do have issues!

"Humble yourselves, therefore under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time, Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." I Peter 5:6-7

There is No "Step" in F-A-T-H-E-R

2009-12-15T01:13:00.002-05:00

I've been reaching into my past lately and digging up some old memories, mostly sweet ones. Just last month I spent a few days relishing my dad's funny antics. I enjoy "remembering"; what a pity it would be to forget. However, some of my trips into yesteryear are tinged with grief and a tad bit of bitterness. For instance, my late teen years were really the pits! Dad was gone, my older sisters were gone, my little sister hated me and Mom had the audacity to remarry and move to Texas!

By simply marrying my mother, Bob became Public Enemy #1. I cried more at their wedding than I did at my father's funeral. I was secretly determined to make the man so miserable that he would be forced to run for his life....I didn't know who I was up against. There isn't a whole lot of drama and gun smoke around Bob. He is who is. My refusal to clean my room, even for the real estate agent, didn't seem to ruffle his feathers. When I declared my independence to stay in Virginia versus moving to Texas, he didn't put up a fight. Before I knew it, I was all grown up and my parents were thousands of miles away.

Over the years, this blended family has lost that uncomfortable, awkward feeling. Weddings, babies and funerals have sewn us tightly together. I'm a little fuzzy on when Bob became more than just my mother's husband. Could it have been when he was baking hams, while dressed in a tuxedo, mere hours before our wedding reception? Was it when he drove through the night (on more than one occasion) so that Mom could be here when the baby was born? Was it because he took such tender care of my beloved grandfather? Because he loves my mama? Because he's a fabulous grandfather?

Maybe, it was when my arms got too tired of pushing him away and I finally let him embrace me with his love. My sisters came around a long time ago.....I've always been a slow learner.

Stuck In the Mud

2009-12-12T01:44:00.002-05:00

Many moons ago, a friend and I found ourselves, or rather her mother's prized caravan, stuck in the mud. We had missed a turn, and instead of backing out of the next drive way, my dear friend attempted a U-turn in the middle of a cow pasture.....The more gas she gave, the deeper we sunk into the mire and manure. At one point, I got out and gave the back end a good shove. Slinging mud and sarcastic commits didn't help the situation....We were in doo-doo.

She did what any responsible teenager would do, she called her dad. This was back in the day when cellular phones were larger than your head. I can still hear his voice on the line...We were in DEEP doo-doo (literally!)

Over the years, I've felt the same dread. The sense that, yet again, I'm in deep doo-doo. I frantically thrash and fight to free myself, only to make the situation worse. My only salvation comes when I surrender and let God lift me out. Lately, I've been thinking that maybe I'm not nearly as "stuck" as I feel. Maybe, silly girl, I'm right were He put me! Being "stuck" is a good thing when you have roots....and even manure has it's purpose. I'm flourishing!

Goodbye Papa

2009-12-05T22:57:00.001-05:00

Wayne's grandfather went to heaven this morning. When a person seems larger than life, it's hard to let them go! He was a wonderful, wonderful man. I loved him and will miss him dearly. He has left us with an enormous legacy....

Water Under the Bridge

2009-12-01T00:19:00.001-05:00

Friendship is important to me. Where would I be without my freinds? I have friends that are as much a part of my daily routine as drinking coffee...The day doesn't start without them! I have friends that I rarely see and yet, they hold the keys to my heart. From babyhood through adulthood, I can recall the stages of my life by the company I kept. I am so thankful that there hasn't been too many casualties.

But there has been a few.... Over the last several years I have mourned the loss of a dear friendship. So much hurt and misunderstanding surrounded our parting that I was convinced no repair could be made. When I heard their names mentioned I would inwardly wince. How do you go back? I am a self-professed people pleaser and this only makes matters worse! What can I do to fix this? Send a card? Drop by unannounced? Or just settle for good memories and move on?

It so happens that our family ran into our old friend the other day. Time has gone by and the kids have grown up. We spent a few minutes catching up, chatting and remembering. Wayne and I have both wondered if this day would ever come.....and here it was! We were able to tell this man how precious he and his wife were to us. Their kindnesses had not been forgotten. Miraculously, bitterness was completely absent from the meeting! I've been walking on air since Saturday night....Thank you Lord! Isn't He the best?

A Dad to Remember!

2009-11-24T10:49:00.001-05:00

November 24. I make a conscience effort not to memorialize this day. Yet, when I realize that it's here, my heart skips a beat and my throat closes up. We said goodbye to our dad seventeen years ago. It's hard to believe that it's been that long ago. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him.

He had the ability to make an ordinary day.....magical. Candy always tasted better when he bought it just for me at 7-11! All five of us wrestling with him on the floor. He could turn a hilly country road into "tummy ticklers". He perfected stupid car trivia...."Cloris Leachman Fun Facts"....It's scary that I even remember this torture! Skipping Sunday School and having breakfast at Shoney's! Paying me to spy on my older sisters. Waking up in the middle of the night for a "snick snack". Water gun wars. His "world famous" Goobley Gosh. His love/hate relationship with Fred the dog. Threatening to break my first date's legs. Singing "Reba Jackson" at the top of our lungs.......

I'm sure my sisters could add much more to this list. The fact is, I miss him, just as much today as I did in 1992. He wasn't a perfect father, but he was a wonderful dad! He'd often ask us, "Do you know how much I love you?" I did. Our time with him was too short....but it was full! I am grateful.

Family Ties

2009-11-17T20:27:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, all of us were able to spend a glorious Sunday afternoon at Wayne's family farm. Meme made a scrumptious barbecue lunch and the weather was picture perfect! As we were sitting on the patio watching the kiddies play in the yard, Papa arrived right on queue. Papa, Wayne's grandfather, is one of my most favorite people. He has an easy laugh and a strong love for his family. I remember the first time I met him..February 15, 1996. Wayne and I had been dating just three short weeks when he took me to the farm to meet his family. I was introduced to his dad and the pet bulldog, Bandit, in the driveway. The dog (and the man) had a bark bigger than his bite. I liked them immediately. Later that afternoon, I met my future mother-in-law, Wayne's two sisters and his niece and nephew. It was a nerve racking, wonderful time! Wayne's itinerary for the rest of the weekend was to introduce me to numerous aunts, uncles, cousins and his grandparents. I remember walking into Nannie and Papa's that night. They were sitting in their side by side recliners watching Jeopardy. His grandmother had begun her descent into Alzheimer's but Papa was able to help her remember her old rival! It was an entertaining visit. I've told Wayne before that I fell in love with his family first....and that is partly true. The Lowe's all have beautiful smiles and warm hearts. They made me one of their own from that weekend on. I love them all dearly. Papa has in-operable liver cancer. He has been the picture of health for most of the years that I have known him. It's not unusual to find him wrestling on the floor with one of his great grandsons or flirting with an attractive lady at the diner. He's a giant in our lives and we will cherish every second we have with him.

My Chaotic Quiver

2009-11-04T13:00:00.000-05:00

The Recipe; Remembered In My Heart

2009-10-30T10:34:00.000-04:00

]What are the ingredients that make for a happy marriage? What are the fundamental differences that separate happily and unhappily married couples?\

But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

I can say with confidence that I am happily married. I can also say with confidence that marriage is far more difficult than I envisioned it would be twelve years ago! How do couples survive the devastating blows of life? Loss of employment, financial hardship, stress, depression, miscarriages, the death of a loved one, the stress of child-rearing, and these are only my experiences. There have been those moments when I was so close to running. I was completely overwhelmed and certain that I couldn't live this way for one more second!

The Bible tells us, Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5 I know that our marriage has endured the storms because our home is built on the Lord. We may waver and tremble in the wind but our foundation is The Solid Rock. I have bitter-sweet memories of us crying/fighting late into the night, only to open our eyes in the morning to a world full of hope and promise. The Lord lives! Blessed be my Rock! Let God be exalted, the Rock of my salvation! 2 Samuel 22:47 Those moments, when we chose to surrender our burdens and cling to His promises and to each other, are remembered in my heart.

Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand. Matthew 12:25

Where would Wayne and I be without Christ in our home? We would be as the gospel says, in desolation! He is the adhesive in our marriage. I have seen good friends become unglued...Either one or both of them stepped away from the Truth, or possibly, they never knew the Truth. The happiness in their home became a vapor.The train wreck was unavoidable and devastating. I am glad we serve a gracious and merciful Savior! Out of the ashes of an unhappy home the Lord is able to create a masterpiece. I've been reminded to never give up on anyone. The Lord will give you grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84: 11

For Sale

2009-10-27T11:12:00.000-04:00

Wayne has made an appointment for a real estate agent to come look at the house tonight. I woke up in a state of panic....I assume it wouldn't be appropriate to hide the laundry behind the shower curtain. Dirty dishes in the stove? Ethan summed it up, "Just blow the house up, Mom!" Dynamite anyone?

Windows Into Christmas' Past

2009-10-22T00:44:00.000-04:00

I've never been an entrepreneur but I'm going to try and make a little Christmas business out of these ornaments. What do you think?

Gone Fishing

2009-10-08T00:37:00.000-04:00

Today was a first for me! I took all five of the children fishing! I don't know the foggiest thing about fishing except that I hate to look at, smell or touch FISH! The whole subject makes me nauseous. However, I do love to avoid housework and let me tell you, there is a boat load to avoid! So when the laundry gets too high, this mama gets going!

In actuality, I merely observed the fishing activities. Annie asked me to bait her hook. I gagged just looking at those worms; there was absolutely no way I was going to tear one in half! Ethan was kind enough to do the honors. The kids hooked a few fish and I cheered from a distance. No one fell in the river. We all returned home safe and sound. I might have gone fishing today but the laundry didn't! Should I be ashamed? I can always tame the housework monster tomorrow!!

It WIll Not Be Unredeemed!

2009-09-29T00:17:00.000-04:00

Picking Up the Mop and Moving On

2009-09-27T17:24:00.000-04:00

Just months ago I was screaming for relief...."PLEASE deliver me from this grave that "they" call a church!" We knew that there were no other options. Now, we are living on the other side of that decision. While Daddy is working two jobs to make up the one income; Mommy is at home wringing her hands and racking her brains for a solution. Isn't there some way that I can help?

The covers are calling my name. I want to stay wrapped up in my bed and sleep these struggles away. Oh, but for those five sweet little faces, I would do just that! I have such a tendency to make things all about ME. I don't think of myself as a selfish person...but in actuality the facts stack up against me! This family numbers seven and I'm just one. For a number of years I've cleaned up the messes in ministry, now God has called me to focus on the home front. Why is it such a struggle to be comfortable "ministering" at home? Why am I (silently) shaking my fist at people who don't even see me anymore? If I were being honest, I'd admit that I'm still waging war in my heart. It's past time for me to lay down my sword and pick up the mop.

Wayne is already plowing ahead. It seems the harder he works the more bitter I become. How did I happen to find such a wonderful man? He doesn't hang his head and groan; he puts us first and keeps on working. I love him. I'm missing the time we worked shoulder to shoulder for the church. (Really, it was more like phone to shoulder!) I'm missing his time, it's sparing these days.

I intended for this blog to be a comedy about my errors...it seems that recently, it has just been my confessional! OK, I'm ready to pick up my mop! Now, where did I put that thing?

But the one thing that I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3: 13-14.

Baring It All

2009-08-22T23:10:00.000-04:00

Have you ever dreamed that you went to school naked? A few weeks ago I dreamt that Wayne preached at a church in view-of-a-call. At the end of his sermon, we were shaking hands with the congregation...It seemed like no one wanted to make eye contact with me. What, did I have pepper in my teeth? Nope, way worse, I forgot to put on my skirt....sweater, make-up, high heels and that's all folks!

Funny, that's exactly how I feel right now. I'm on display, completely out of place and stripped naked. I have a desperate need to get a grip on my surroundings. I go between acceptance and anger several times a day....Has my last marble rolled away? Well, if it has, don't be surprised if you see my bare rear sticking up out of the bushes....I've got to get that marble back!

A New Beginning

2009-07-12T23:34:00.000-04:00

This afternoon Wayne resigned as pastor of Mount Calvary Baptist Church. This marks the end of a three year war between the preacher and his constant adversaries. As I reflect on our time here, I am amazed that we made it out.....only by God's grace.

There is currently no other positions on the radar. We are stepping out in faith that Christ alone is the only security that our family requires. I have to admit, a wave of relief has washed over me today. We have been delivered!

Please pray for our family. We believe/know that God will provide! Pray especially for Ethan and Sam....they attended today's "business" meeting. Rejoice with us because HE has been good!

(Ruby was vandalized by her big sister Phoebe yesterday.....even though the Sharpie read PERMANENT INK, the stain eventually did come clean. I'm praying that our battle wounds will vanish as well!)

The Secret to Picking Sweet Friends

2009-07-11T02:15:00.000-04:00

My boys spent the week at Camp Rapidan....We dropped them off at the church Monday morning and they happily boarded the bus. I was a little nervous about Ethan and Sam being away for five whole days. Could they survive without their mama? Could I survive without them? Once they got on the bus they would barely raise their hands to wave goodby much less make eye contact. And then, they were gone! My babies!

Wayne took the rest of the day off to nurse me through my detachment distress. We took the girls to a berry farm and picked blackberries. It was fun, hot work. Phoebe kept screaming to go back to the car, Annie got a thorn in her finger and Ruby didn't aprreciate the heat. Wayne and I tag-teamed enough berries to make a few pies before a total meltdown ensued. The effort was worth it. Nothing in this world tastes better than a blackberry pie!

Camp and berry picking got me thinking. I prayed everyday for my boys. I hope through this week that they obeyed and made good friends. Good friends are kind of like blackberries, you've got to be in the right place to pick them. I met the "sweetest" friend of my life on the way to Camp Pamadeva twenty years ago this summer.

I picked Jessica to be my new friend out of all the other campers present. I don't think she was to keen on picking me! She was clean and had a hairband that matched her shirt. She had her nails filed and painted! So perfect. So mature! I, on the other hand, was miss matched and loud mouthed. The very first thing I ever said to her was "Are you adopted?" The glare she gave me didn't thwart my determination to be her new best bud. Somehow, between the over-crowded swimming pool and a bug infested cabin, a life long frienship was born.

One of the greatest gifts on earth is friendship. My cup runneth over....

Who Let the Frog Out?

2009-05-30T22:45:00.000-04:00

You know the ON AIR sign you see at TV and radio stations, I feel like that sign is over the threshold of our church. No matter what has transpired at home or during the drive to church, once my feet hit the pavement I'm ON! Greeting, listening, cleaning, hunting, entertaining, serving etc. I'm not complaining, I'm merely stating a fact.

Unlike the local anchor woman, I'm ON AIR with my five children in toe. Usually, Phoebe is on my hip and Ruby's in her car seat....But where, oh where have the older three gone? I'm afraid Ethan, Sam and Annie take full advantage of my preoccupation with other people or service. They scatter like the wind to the playground and beyond.

Last Wednesday night was pretty typical. I was in the parking lot discussing our upcoming VBS with the youth leaders when out of the corner of my eye I noticed Sam toting his binocular bag into the building. I half heartily yelled "We don't bring toys to church!" and I turned away and continued my conversation. Little did I know what that boy was really packing!

Fast forward two hours...we're back at home and I am scrabbling to feed the kids a snack before I throw them all in bed! "Hey Mom, did you know that Sam brought a frog to church?" No, I did not! "Yeah, he let it out during the Bible story." Out of what? "His binocular bag."

This is real life....this is my life!

My Pursuit for the Perfect Pup

2009-05-07T00:28:00.000-04:00

I found the cutest little puppy on Craigslist. Part Jack Russell, part beagle, and according to the vet part worm! Am I cursed? Is there a dark cloud hanging over me preventing me from finding a "normal" dog? I confess that I am horribly impulsive...

Why would I want a puppy? Do I not clean up enough poop? I can not tell you "why"! I don't know "why"! It's some weird genetic disorder passed down from my grandmother.....Lord, please don't let me turn into my Granny!

When I picked up Rocko ( the replacement of the before mentioned Turbo) I had a feeling of buyer's remorse. I hadn't really weighed in on the effects of a puppy in our already bursting household. Turbo didn't make many waves...In fact, Turbo doesn't do anything but hide under the deck. I guess he just waiting for his Maker to call him home. Feel free God....

Rocko has been here for three days now. He found his voice and his appetite tonight. I just read that Jack-a-bees (the designer name for the jack russell/ beagle mix) are extremely high strung and energetic. Oh joy! Phoebe has to be monitored at all times. I've found her putting the choke hold on him twice! Strangulation could definitely deter any destructive behavior. Oh, let us survive puppyhood/ toddlerhood/ crazy Granny moments!

Boogers!

2009-05-03T22:13:00.000-04:00

Do you hear that? Ahhh! The blissful sound of NOTHING! The entire household, except for me, is asleep! Hallelujah! The weekend is nearing its end; three ballgames, two birthday parties, church and boogers. Yup, boogers get me a little fired up, especially when I find them in places that I shouldn't!

Saturday was a particularly hot and stormy. We had spent the morning shuttling the kids to and from their games. Came home just long enough to stuff a peanut butter sandwich down and off the SEVEN of us went to a birthday party. This party rated far cooler than most because the boys were able to go fishing. Did you know that fishing is a very long process? Did you know that small children aren't very patient? Did you know that worms and squirming fish really gross me out? I was a good sport through it all but I was in need of a nap in the worst way!

I smiled and goodbyed so politely as we were leaving. I calmly informed my mini-van passengers that I was tired and to please refrain from any noise making on our trip back home. The boys were goofing off in the backseat...which was irritating but I was trying my hardest to ignore them. "Mom, Mom! He just wiped a booger on the seat!" You could have told me that Samuel had just robbed a bank and I wouldn't have been any more angry! I tried my best to grow a Detective Gadget arm to reach back there and throttle them both! That little red mini-van almost hydro-planed I was so full of fury! A booger! Is the child not eight years old??? And the worst part, he thought it was hilarious!

That's when I had to take a mental time-out. The little turkey in the back thinks that he can wipe boogies on the upholstery that we are still paying off. How dare he! To be honest, the interior of my van is very much like the floor of my laundry room. Had I not been informed of the "boogie", I'm sure it would have gone unnoticed and untouched for AGES! So my natural course of action was to have my two darlings clean and chisel. I'm sure the wailing and gnashing of teeth could be heard around the globe.

It was quite satisfying to choose a discipline that just hit the spot! As I watched, through the kitchen window, those boys clean out all that junk I was filled with power! Maybe I should go around the house and look for more boogers....I could end up in a much cleaner environment! Who knew that boogers could be a good thing?

The Bent Woman

2009-04-26T21:39:00.000-04:00

Last September I was asked to speak at women's conference, the topic was Falling into the Arms of Jesus. I piddled around with "my angle" for a couple of days before I discovered the passage in Luke 13 about the bent woman. I don't remember ever hearing a message on this text. The older I get and the longer Wayne and I are in the ministry, the more I see BENT women. There are a variety of reasons and varying degrees of bentness. Sins of the past, sins of the present, the effects of other's sins, illness, fatigue (etc.)

I've had to come to grips with my own contorted spine this past year. I was worn out. My mind and my body couldn't hold up under the pressure of being what I thought I had to be or what other's expected of me. The confidence that I exuded in my adolescence had been completely worn away. There is such a loud voice in my head telling me things like "you could have done better", "Well, you really screwed that up!" and so on..... I can't tell you when I realized that my gaze was fixed on the ground and not the world around me.

The Bent Woman is me, the Bent Woman is you. Read Luke 13 and discover that she holds her head high now. I have some big decisions to make this week. I'm committing them to prayer. I will not be bent over by the sins of others or my own insecurities. I have been made whole!

I've attached my little talk.....I hope you enjoy it.

Falling into the Arms of Jesus

I am so thrilled to be here with you today. The theme “Falling into the Arms of Jesus” is exactly what each of us must do. Maybe some of you are resting in His arms right now, and yet, I know there are some women here who have no idea that His arms are open to them. After praying about just the right passage to share, the Lord led to me to The Bent Women. Please open your Bibles to Luke 13:10-17.

Now He was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. And behold, there was a woman who had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bent over and could in no way raise herself up. But when Jesus saw her, He called her to Him and said to her, “Woman, you are loosed from your infirmity. And He laid His hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God.
But the ruler of the synagogue answered with indignation, because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath; and he said to the crowd, “There are six days on which men ought to work; therefore come and be healed on them, and not on the Sabbath day.”
The Lord then answered him and said, “Hypocrite! Does not each one of you on the Sabbath loose his ox or donkey from the stall, and lead it away to water it? So ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound – think of it – for eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath?” And when He said these things, all the adversaries were put to shame; and all the multitude rejoiced for all the glorious things that were done by Him. (Luke 13:10-17)
My husband takes teaching and preaching of God’s Word very seriously. On any given Sunday morning at our church there will be the occasional disruption out in the congregation. A baby will cry, children will be laughing, some dear soul will have a terribly loud cough, a cell phone will ring…you name and I’ll claim it! I am always amazed how well Wayne can keep his thoughts and composure together. He’s spent a large part of his week preparing this message and only an emergency will prevent him from finishing his sermon. In this passage, Luke 13, Jesus is teaching in the synagogue on the Sabbath. Jesus was not easily distracted…He was on a mission to “seek and to save that which was lost.” (Luke 19:9). He knew that in this crowd were some seriously lost individuals who were literally dying to hear His promises. One of these dying souls was a bent woman. She had been unable to stand up straight for eighteen years. She knew her family and neighbors by their feet and not their faces. She made no commotion that day, she didn’t cry out for healing, she didn’t shuffle up to touch Jesus’ robe. She was merely present. Sometime during His teaching, this crippled woman caught Jesus’ eye. He didn’t just make a mental note to see her after his message….He stopped and called her to Him!
Jesus was the center of attention, all eyes were on Him. In those days, women were not permitted in the synagogue on the Sabbath. She was probably standing in the fringes, keeping a low profile and just under the radar. How many women are here today hoping that they can get out of this room without ever being noticed? I promise you that Jesus has taken notice of you. How long and painful that walk must have been for her! Surely, onlookers were aghast! Who is she? What’s wrong with her? Doesn’t she know that she isn’t welcome here? Was she hopeful for a miracle or was she full of dread? Sometimes, we dread the very act of surrendering ourselves to the Lord. If she was afraid, her fears would soon be erased.
The Bible tells us that she had “a spirit of infirmity” for eighteen years. This means that her physical condition was caused by an evil spirit. Satan had tortured this poor woman and had robbed of her vitality. She was useless to society. I’m sure if anyone noticed her, it was out of pity. “Man, I’m glad I don’t have to live like that!” Many of us can relate to the Bent Woman. My father was a very young man when illness and disease zapped him of his strength and energy. I can remember him struggling for every breath just to walk from the car into the house at night. Some of us can relate to the spiritual pain of having been a prisoner to sin and despair. Are you broken down and crippled by this evil world? I shop for groceries every week. When I get to the canned food aisle, I’ll pick up the cans we need. I always inspect the cans; if they’re dented I push them aside. Are you one of those precious people that have been put back on the shelf? Have you been broken and forgotten about? You may believe that the dust around your heart has settled for good…..

He called her to Him and said to her, “Woman, you are loosed from your infirmity.” And He laid His hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God. Luke13:12-13 After all those years she was immediately healed! Praise God! I have been trying to get my psychology degree for the past thirteen years. Between chasing after love, getting married and started a family, I’m almost there! The classes that I’ve taken in counseling and therapy have never assured me that science can heal any of us from our anguish. No doctors or counselors set this woman free. With just a touch from her Maker the Bent Woman was bent no more. She was not physically able to fall into Jesus’ arms. She didn’t have to do anything. He brought His arms to her! The Lord saw her and called her to Him! He saw into her heart, he felt those long years of pain. She could not hide herself from His eyes. No one is insignificant. Jesus’ arms are open to you. He sees the pain and disappointment that have long been forgotten by others. He alone can make you straight. This beautiful woman went from being a crushed tin can into an instrument of glory! Speaking as a previous tin can, I know that Jesus can do the very same for you.
Before we go any further, let’s take a moment to pray.

But the ruler of the synagogue answered with indignation, because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, and he said to the crowd, “There are six days on which men ought to work: therefore come and be healed on them and not on the Sabbath day.” Luke 13:14

Time out! Here we have the ruler of the synagogue calling out the Ruler of the World for breaking the rules! He spoke indigently; he was deeply offended that the Sabbath had been broken. Had he even notice this woman shuffle into the corner? Was she a first time visitor? I doubt it; I believe that she probably attended faithfully every Sabbath. We have to remember that she hadn’t come to the synagogue expecting anything. His rebuke shows only the coldness of his heart. How many times are we guilty of the same sin?

How many of us sit on the same pew every week? How many of us get into our cars after church without ever speaking to someone new? We attend our church because that is what we've always done. We’re comfortable within a social circle at the WMU or Ladies meetings. I have to be honest with you; nothing in ministry has grieved me more! I think that people often assume the pastor and his wife will minister sufficiently to newcomers and those who are suffering. That is a lethal assumption. Let us pray that we will have the compassion of Jesus. It is my prayer that church isn’t just the place we always go, but the place where our hearts and eyes are open and no person goes unnoticed.

The Lord then answered him and said, “Hypocrite! Does not each one of you on the Sabbath loose his ox or donkey from the stall, and lead it away to water it? So ought not his woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound –think of it- for eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath? And when He said these things, all his adversaries were put to shame and the multitude rejoiced for all the glorious things that were done by Him. Luke 13: 15-17

Wow! Doesn’t that make you want to shout “You Go Jesus!” He called the leader exactly what he was, a hypocrite. This man had no interest in the miraculous healing of this humble woman. He merely wanted to take a cheap shot at Jesus. When asked if he valued livestock more than human life no verbal answer is recorded. His true character had been exposed and he was put to shame. Doesn’t our Lord always bring the darkness to light? Hallelujah!

Ladies, I am so thrilled that we have a hero! Jesus is far better than a knight on a white horse. He is not a fairy tale. He came to this suffering woman’s aid and straightened her crippled body. When the world sought to rebuke her and drive her into further shame, Jesus lifted her up high and beautiful. He called her “a daughter of Abraham”, a description making her equal to the “sons” of Abraham. He didn’t just knock out the big mouth; Jesus showed the crowd that this woman was as precious to Him as any man present.

Can you not hear his compassion when he said, “whom Satan bound – think of it – for eighteen years!” “Think of it.” He felt every bit of her long confinement. Why did she have to suffer for so many years? Why was Satan allowed to torture her?

2 Corinthians 12:9 tells us “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." We are reassured in Jeremiah 29:11 of God’s plan for each of us. For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. This woman didn’t ask “Why?” She stood tall with her head held high and glorified God!
I have some dear friends that have faced trials that I can only imagine. Their testimonies of abuse and desperation literally give me goose bumps. Yet, these women didn’t grow their roots in desperation; their roots are firmly planted in Christ. These sisters of mine are the first ones to run to the side of some one suffering. Just a few weeks ago, I was hiding out in my house, a situation in my life had gotten the best of me. I wasn’t answering the phone and I definitely wasn’t coming to the door. Well, two of these wonderful ladies didn’t bother to call or even knock….they were coming after me, whether I liked it or not. They ministered to me; they took the excess of the love in their hearts and filled up my empty cup. I am quite positive that our lady from Luke 13 ran (can’t you picture it!) to the aid of many other broken people.

Second Time Around

2009-04-14T23:23:00.000-04:00

My three older children were all born within three years of each other. It seemed like I was knee high in diapers forever! I know every one of the Barney songs by heart and Cailou almost forced me over the edge! I thought that babyhood would never end....and then it was over.

It didn't happen gracefully. My first clue was when Ethan and Sambo were in first grade and kindergarten. They were playing football that fall....adorable in those little uniforms! Anyway, one afternoon I got the bright idea to show off my team spirit for my tiny jocks! So, I spray painted the van windows with their names and team numbers..I was so excited driving to school that afternoon! I just knew they were going to love it! Well, I saw the principal walking the kids out to the cars and I started to honk and wave to the boys. Ethan saw me, I know he did! He ducked his head and acted like his ride was no where in sight.
The crossing guard almost had to force those stinkers to cross over to me. Apparently, a be-dazzled mini van isn't as cool as I thought it was....Ethan got in and said "Just drive Mom!" and Sambo quit the team the next day. When did my babies become these moody little monsters?

That's when the babybug hit me. Ethan, Sam and Annie were ready to give up the babas, binkies and mankies but I wasn't! And now, I have two crops of kids, my three big ones and my two little ones. Phoebe is truly a bundle of joy! Our family is so enthralled by her antics...she's a constant source of entertainment. Every new thing that she learns or discovers brings me just as much pride as it did with the older three. This week she has started to hum Jesus Loves Me and every time she does it my heart almost bursts. I love to watch her sway and dance to music. I love how everything on four legs is a DOG! I love the kisses that she blows away. I love her giggle. I love that Ruby is right behind her with double the fun! How could I forget the exquisite wonder of babyhood?

I think that I have a completely different perspective this time around. Our schedule is maxed to the extreme with the church and after-school activities. Bodies fly in and out of the house all the time. Life is so much faster with these two little babies, but at the same time Phoebe and Ruby are helping to keep us centered on the real joy of life. I am so thankful that God chose me to be the mother of this little tribe.

Dog-gone Deacon!

2009-03-26T23:00:00.001-04:00

They tell you to never buy a car from a friend...Well, I'm living proof that a preacher should never take a "puppy" from a deacon! Our boy REALLY wanted a puppy. Every week for months he checked out dog books from the school library. After researching every breed possible, Samuel decided that our family needed a beagle. Lo and behold, a deacon from our church had the perfect beagle pup for us!

One day last week Wayne picked the older kids up from school and headed over to check out the prospect. He called me from the dog pen and said "I'm not so sure about this..." I'm an optimist, no puppy can be that bad, right? Well... Wayne called back a few minutes later to tell me that they were on their way home with the new addition. He also informed me despite the bitterly cold weather, they were forced to roll down all of the windows because of the STENCH! This is where my optimism began to fail...

Upon their arrival at home, I detected that "Turbo's" stench wasn't this puppy's only problem. He was UGLY and he didn't look too healthy. His nails were so long that they were curling! The kids wanted him to sleep in their beds....I wasn't so sure I wanted him to sleep in my yard! "Let's wait until after he goes in for his check-up."

Oh the check up, the ever humbling check up! Tears come to my eyes when I think about it! I couldn't find the leash that morning so I carried Turbo to the car and into the office. I had to sit in that waiting room and act like a "loving" owner....There were two other women waiting with fluffy poodley looking dogs. They commented on Turbo's cuteness. I knew they were lying so I just smiled.

When it was my turn I carried Turbo to the exam room. I stood beside him and waited for the vet. This was the first time I had been close enough to get a good look at him. I saw strange looking "fleas" all over him and he still stunk even though the boys had bathed him twice. I sorely regretted not finding that leash!

His examination brought many surprises. I told the vet that he was only one or two years old....HAH! He opened up Turbo's mouth and all of his back teeth were rotten! Not the teeth of a puppy! He also informed me that a young dog wouldn't have nails that curled. "No mam, this dog is no less than seven years old." Turbo's ears were full of mites. The "fleas" were not fleas at all, they were lice! Let's see, rotten teeth, ear mites and lice, what a gem! However, he is heart worm negative...is that supposed to give me comfort? I'd carried that thing in there and he was covered in lice! Dr. Jones must have read my face because he told me that lice are species specific. Lice is lice and I don't like lice!

$100.00 later Turbo is howling in my backyard. He's been de-loused, had his ear drops and starts the rest of his meds next week. The kids still think he's the new puppy...let's just say he's mature for his age! I'm thinking about becoming a non-profit, we'll accept donations! Some people buy oceanfront property in Arizona....we got Turbo from a deacon!

My Quiver is Full Of Children.....and CLUTTER!

2009-03-24T10:55:00.000-04:00

CLUTTER! This one word is defining of my current state of being. Every morning, I crawl to the top of our pile of CLUTTER and dig for clean socks, underwear, jeans, athletic supporter ("I know it's in here somewhere Son!") etc. etc. etc. Then, when the husband and older children leave for work and school I sit on top of my pile, not unlike a hen on her nest, just keeping my CLUTTER warm! How do I reform? I've tried it all! Bought the books, played the games and I still sit on my pile and hang my head in shame.

I'm going out on a limb here....going to an extreme! I've gone from room to room with my camera and taken pictures of this messy little house...Now, I'm going to go all TLC and haul all this CLUTTER out on the deck and sort the good and the bad....I'll keep you posted!

Proof Of My Humanity

2009-03-23T13:05:00.000-04:00

Before I get into my "story" let me prove my humanity to you. Just this morning, I was seen running down the street in only my bathrobe with a spoon in my hand! You see, my darling daughter refused to wear the pants I picked out and was seconds from missing the school bus. Wayne had my car and I wasn't about to pile all the kids in his Saturn. So, I did what any desperate mother would do....Everytime Annie sat down in the middle of the road to sob I would run after her with the spoon, threatening a life spent in complete isolation if she missed that bus! She did FINALLY board the bus. The driver just shook her head and honked. As I walked back home, my neighbor appeared. "Having a good morning?" he asked. "Apparently NOT!" is all I could answer.

So, on with the story....