Ministry at this very moment is the best and the worst. I've had grand visions of what the Lord was going to accomplish through us over the last decade. I've been puffed up and cocky. Reality: I am nothing. I do not deserve the joy that serving others brings me. I am unworthy of the calling BUT I am grateful to have been called.
Tonight, I am pulling the plug on myself and everybody else. Successful or not, we never enlisted to gain glory for ourselves but for HIM alone.I could list a thousand of excuses for the why's and the why not's, tell you tales that would make your toes curl, air my side of the story.....But what's the point? We love our Savior. We have on numerous occassions failed Him and the dear souls we seek to serve, but He is a kind and lovng God. He has dusted us off, cleaned up our messes and healed wounds. He has opened windows and slammed doors. He even laid on my husband on the floor of Chickfila and said "REST!" I love my Savior!!! Where He leads me, I will follow.
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20
Showing posts with label Ministry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ministry. Show all posts
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Lessons Learned From Amy....
I heard her story at church camp, the summer of 1989. Camp Pamadeva was a miserable little hole nestled somewhere in Maryland, let me put emphasis on miserable! Bug infested, dilapidated, over-crowded, hot........ life changing. Each morning we had story time under the pavilion. It was in that rickety old pavilion that I was first introduced to my hero, Amy Carmichael, a missionary to India.
I could re-tell her story here, but if you don't already know it, you really should read Elisabeth Elliot's A Chance to Die, her life was remarkable! Amy surrendered all to become "Amma" to hundreds of children, many that she rescued from prostitution and idolatry. On the last night of camp, way-back-when, while the mosquitoes were swarming and my heart was pounding, I walked the aisle during the invitation. I knelt down at the alter and I prayed, "Make me like Amy, Lord." She has been my inspiration for the last twenty-one years.
Ministering to children has literally been my passion since I was a child myself! I am painfully aware that the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:41 Many misguided steps and sinful blunders have distracted me along the way.....but the call hasn't been diminished. I desire now, more than ever, to share the love of Jesus with the broken, with the weak, but most especially with the smallest of these. I am asking tonight, just as I did when I was twelve, "How will you use me God?"
Amma taught her children that it is enough to ask the Father. Indeed!
I could re-tell her story here, but if you don't already know it, you really should read Elisabeth Elliot's A Chance to Die, her life was remarkable! Amy surrendered all to become "Amma" to hundreds of children, many that she rescued from prostitution and idolatry. On the last night of camp, way-back-when, while the mosquitoes were swarming and my heart was pounding, I walked the aisle during the invitation. I knelt down at the alter and I prayed, "Make me like Amy, Lord." She has been my inspiration for the last twenty-one years.
Ministering to children has literally been my passion since I was a child myself! I am painfully aware that the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:41 Many misguided steps and sinful blunders have distracted me along the way.....but the call hasn't been diminished. I desire now, more than ever, to share the love of Jesus with the broken, with the weak, but most especially with the smallest of these. I am asking tonight, just as I did when I was twelve, "How will you use me God?"
Amma taught her children that it is enough to ask the Father. Indeed!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Confessions of a Christian School Girl
I'm not quite certain that I have the guts to publish what I really want to say. Now that I've arrived solidly in my thirties....why bother lingering in my adolescent past? Because, part of those years still grieve me. We live less then two hours from my "hometown", yet I rarely go back. It seems that the closer I get to "home" a noose tightens around my neck. Memories of myself lost in loneliness and sin engulf me...I'm not that girl anymore.
I am grateful for the Christian education that I received. Christian school was instrumental in giving me a solid belief system. I had some wonderful teachers who truly poured their lives into mine. I still hold tight to friendships that bloomed back then. I AM GRATEFUL!
On the flip side, the worst smut I ever heard was probably at the lunch table. Bible class and chapel services instilled in us that the wages of sin is death. I understood sin. I knew I was a sinner. Most importantly, I knew that I was SAVED. But I still laughed at the dirty jokes.... Thus began my double life.
At the end of ninth grade I was head over heels. Over the next four years I was involved in dating relationship that constantly pushed the limits. I foolishly believed that lust, obsession and possession were love. We'd cross "the line" and I'd be eaten up with guilt...I'd repent and repeat....repent and repeat. It was a miserable time for me. Being caught was always a huge fear, not to mention the burden of being a complete fake. I received the Christian Leadership Award for two years running.
Of all the teachers and youth workers who observed me everyday only two people confronted my sin. A substitute teacher and my best friend's mother. At nineteen I was ready to take my own life. I had to end this horrible cycle. In late December of 1996, I surrendered this battle to the Lord and I left my "hometown" for good. I have no regrets!
Why now? What for? Well, have things really changed that much? Our young Christian school kids confronted about their promiscuity? Are they involved in Bible studies that teach the beauty of abstinence and the truth about pornography? What about girls like me? Neck deep in sin and afraid to let anyone know the truth? I'm blowing the whistle here! Call it what it is....reach in and get dirty....Throw in the life preserver of grace and mercy! There is a girl like me that is dying for help!
I am grateful for the Christian education that I received. Christian school was instrumental in giving me a solid belief system. I had some wonderful teachers who truly poured their lives into mine. I still hold tight to friendships that bloomed back then. I AM GRATEFUL!
On the flip side, the worst smut I ever heard was probably at the lunch table. Bible class and chapel services instilled in us that the wages of sin is death. I understood sin. I knew I was a sinner. Most importantly, I knew that I was SAVED. But I still laughed at the dirty jokes.... Thus began my double life.
At the end of ninth grade I was head over heels. Over the next four years I was involved in dating relationship that constantly pushed the limits. I foolishly believed that lust, obsession and possession were love. We'd cross "the line" and I'd be eaten up with guilt...I'd repent and repeat....repent and repeat. It was a miserable time for me. Being caught was always a huge fear, not to mention the burden of being a complete fake. I received the Christian Leadership Award for two years running.
Of all the teachers and youth workers who observed me everyday only two people confronted my sin. A substitute teacher and my best friend's mother. At nineteen I was ready to take my own life. I had to end this horrible cycle. In late December of 1996, I surrendered this battle to the Lord and I left my "hometown" for good. I have no regrets!
Why now? What for? Well, have things really changed that much? Our young Christian school kids confronted about their promiscuity? Are they involved in Bible studies that teach the beauty of abstinence and the truth about pornography? What about girls like me? Neck deep in sin and afraid to let anyone know the truth? I'm blowing the whistle here! Call it what it is....reach in and get dirty....Throw in the life preserver of grace and mercy! There is a girl like me that is dying for help!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I Have Issues!
A few years ago I was frantically searching the web for the companionship of other miserable pastor's wives.....Because, I was convinced that I might have been the only one! I can't say that I was overcome with relief to discover that, indeed there is a large and growing number of hurting women just like me. I never did join any of the forums. Reading about other backward churches just wasn't as soothing as I thought it would be. However, one of the sites had a t-shirt for sale that read, I'm the Pastor's Wife and I Have Issues! I have donned that T many times, if only in my mind!
I can appreciate the attitude of the woman who has the nerve to wear that cute little pink get-up! "Don't expect any miracles from me, I am just as human as you are, Sister!" Let's be honest, there have been those moments when every fiber in my body wanted to tap dance on some stubborn mule's head! On the flip side, I've been guilty of being a little mule-ish. I became so used to standing on a soapbox just to get my point across that I didn't realize I had completely killed the grass underneath of me. What's the use of ministry when my attitude is a lethal weapon? Instead of being a light for my Savior, I was extinguishing the flame in those around me.
So, here we are, on the eve of a new church plant and I am absolutely terrified. It is a thrill to be re-united with fellow believers who really are closer than family. It is exciting to imagine the future without the limitations of past traditions/transgressions. I look forward to being apart of a church body who will truly value each individual regardless of........ I love these folks! My anxiety lies within myself, as it always has. Do I have what it takes? Do I cut mustard? Seriously, I do have issues!
"Humble yourselves, therefore under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time, Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." I Peter 5:6-7
I can appreciate the attitude of the woman who has the nerve to wear that cute little pink get-up! "Don't expect any miracles from me, I am just as human as you are, Sister!" Let's be honest, there have been those moments when every fiber in my body wanted to tap dance on some stubborn mule's head! On the flip side, I've been guilty of being a little mule-ish. I became so used to standing on a soapbox just to get my point across that I didn't realize I had completely killed the grass underneath of me. What's the use of ministry when my attitude is a lethal weapon? Instead of being a light for my Savior, I was extinguishing the flame in those around me.
So, here we are, on the eve of a new church plant and I am absolutely terrified. It is a thrill to be re-united with fellow believers who really are closer than family. It is exciting to imagine the future without the limitations of past traditions/transgressions. I look forward to being apart of a church body who will truly value each individual regardless of........ I love these folks! My anxiety lies within myself, as it always has. Do I have what it takes? Do I cut mustard? Seriously, I do have issues!
"Humble yourselves, therefore under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time, Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." I Peter 5:6-7
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