I've never been very good at drawing the line. Being a doormat is so much easier. Yes, sure, no problem, I'd love to, why not, it's only once a week...
...my kid goes berserk.
...I'm tempted to drive my van into a ditch rather than spend one more hour at AWANA.
...the weight of never measuring up has me dangling off a cliff.
...my dog-tired husband shakes his head and says, "Babe, why can't you just stay here with me?"
The terrible habit of giving until I break, is breaking more than me.
Two years ago, our son waged a battle with himself that I thought would finish me. I remember locking myself in the bathroom and crying my eyes out as he banged on door, screaming every ugly word he knew. I didn't want to come out. Days became weeks, weeks became months and the storm still raged. I didn't want to be his mama anymore. I wanted to quit.
But I still directed VBS that year... and the next.
That's me...loving on 100 kids that don't belong to me, while my own is beating down the door to get my attention.
It's the rotten, painful truth.
I almost lost our son. I almost let the doctors and their "plans" and the pills take over.
Only by the grace of God have we recovered. I married the most merciful man on this planet. He leads us with gentle hands and a kind heart. He speaks words of hope and encouragement to his weary wife and troubled child. He never gives up. He plods on everyday. He leads us through.
Our boy.... is thriving. Tonight was his acting debut and his daddy and I couldn't have been any prouder.
And yet, I have continued the cycle of being willy-nilly when it comes to boundaries. I like to think of myself as a "busy mom". Being a hummingbird by nature, I flit and flutter from one thing to another... But seriously, what's the beauty in my commitment to an activity every Sunday afternoon for six solid weeks when Sunday is typically Wayne's only day off?
Yup, that's me too.
And I have to ask myself why?
Why do I feel so compelled to say yes?
Why do I put lipstick on a pig?
I'm learning that everything I commit to has a value. As a wife and mother, serving my family first carries eternal value.
It seems so simple. It is not.
Turning my heart towards home.
But here's the rub. I've been trying to flex my NO muscle a little more recently...And folks, the response hasn't been so groovy. It hurts my people-pleasing heart that some feel like I'm self-righteous and judgemental just because I used that two letter word.
There's a learning curve, right?
For we are God's fellow workers. You are God's field, God's building.
According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire. 1 Corinthains 3:9-15