Valentine's Day is one of my very favorite days of the entire year. It's been fifteen years, fifteen years....
Since, he met me in the hall outside of my psych class and handed me a rosebud vase. He was proud of those three flowers.
Since, I stood outside of his dorm and presented him with a bouquet of twenty helium balloons. How was I to know that this gift was all wrong for a twenty-nine year old guy living on campus?
Since, he ate at a Mexican restaurant for the first time.
Since, he took me home to meet his mama, his daddy, his sisters, his niece and nephew, Bip the bulldog, Kibby the cat, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles, his cousins....
Since, he introduced me as Nancy Reagan Forrester.
Since, I first pondered the beauty of a green wheat field in February.
Since, I climbed into a John Deere tractor for the first time. His dad laughed and said, I reckon that tractor's older than you. Grand-daddy bought it in '76.
Since, he first said, I love you.
Since, our first kiss.
Since, his mama invited the preacher over to meet Wayne Jr.'s new friend.
Since, I knew God had heard my voice.
I had asked Him for a husband, I had asked Him for a home.
I got it all.... fifteen years ago.
Happy Valentine's Day, Waynie Baby!
You have my heart. Forever.
I. Love. You.
I Love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my supplications. Because He inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live. Psalm 116:1-2
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The Martyr's Voice Still Resonates....
Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I first learned about him when Wayne was studying the martyrs in seminary. He lost his life in 1945, a sacrifice poured out at the feet of Jesus. He gave so much to Christianity, to humanity. His words still resonate all these years later.
We teach our children at home. We try to feed them scripture everyday. We don't wish for college scholarships but hope for saints who can give a defense... To have the boldness of Bonhoeffer. Our prayer, that we raise children who will stand when the winds of change blow. And they will blow.
Jen from diaryof1.com wrote the most amazing article about Dietrich Bonhoeffer, her personal hero. You must read it. Then, you must share it.
The Staggering Relevance of Bonhoeffer
Thank you, Jen.
We teach our children at home. We try to feed them scripture everyday. We don't wish for college scholarships but hope for saints who can give a defense... To have the boldness of Bonhoeffer. Our prayer, that we raise children who will stand when the winds of change blow. And they will blow.
Jen from diaryof1.com wrote the most amazing article about Dietrich Bonhoeffer, her personal hero. You must read it. Then, you must share it.
The Staggering Relevance of Bonhoeffer
Thank you, Jen.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Don't Miss the Gift
Jonathan and David
Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Saul took him that day, and would not let him go home to his father’s house anymore. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. I Samuel 18: 1-4
David stood, a lowly shepherd boy, before the king of Israel with Goliath head in his hand, an embodiment of raw courage. The great giant had been defeated by a mere lad! Can you remember the Sunday school song, only a boy named David, only a stone and sling….? Jonathan must have marveled at him, the day they first met!
You see, Goliath had wreaked havoc over forty days. King Saul and his army had been greatly afraid! They quivered in fear and dreamed of a hero. David stood to champion the king, but his own brother knocked him down, “Go back to your sheep”, he’d sneered. David still stood, and again they knocked him down. But word got out. Was Saul curious or just desperate when he sent for the brave boy? David was confident. Let no man’s heart fail because of him; your servant will go and fight with this Philistine. I Samuel 17:32. What was a giant…he’d already killed a lion and bear with his two hands.
18:1 Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 18:3 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. Jonathan was heir to the throne but David was God’s anointed. Can you see Jonathan that day? Watching this all unfold! Immediately he loved David. In fact, his first act of friendship was personal sacrifice. Giving David his belongings was just a foreshadowing of the greater loss he would suffer for his friend.
He never would be the king of Israel.
What is friendship to you?
Friendship is Jessica Dacharux.
And then, friendship is as everyday as my daily cup of coffee. My motor just doesn’t start without my mama or my sister. I can’t tell you when my mother went from being “mom” to one of my closest confidants, most likely when I realized she has more wisdom than I have sense. And then there's Fran , my wonderful sister Fran! She’s the second half of my brain… Together we have the answers to all the world’s problems. Oddly enough, we keep our ingenuity low key...…. But once we master back-chat and embarrassing pet behaviors, watch out Washington!
It seems so easy.
But we all know the truth. Friendship is hard work. For the three friends I have mentioned, I’ve run through thirty. They didn’t stick or I didn’t stay. Some were simply not meant to be, and that’s God’s grace. Jonathan would tell us that friendship is a gift you give away. Are you a Jonathan or a David? So many, many times I have been a David, the recipient.
I wonder though, did David doubt? Why would Jonathan, the son of a king, seek the company of a boy so ordinary? Yet, we know that David was far from average, he was chosen by The Most High. We have no reason to believe that David ever wavered. He accepted the gift as it was offered. These two were bound to each other by loyalty, responsibility and love.
Insecurities hinder relationships.
I’m guilty. I’ve cheated myself out of friendships. She's not really interested in me… “so and so” just wants something, we don’t have anything in common, my house is too messy, she's prettier than me, my butts too big…..(Yeah, these really are on a list of my insecurities!) Don’t be robbed. Friendship isn’t for the elite; it’s available for us all.
Accept it.
This sweet friend has a family that I admire and a joy that is contagious. She longs for the north, but lives in the south. And I'm just grateful that God brought her my way.
Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Saul took him that day, and would not let him go home to his father’s house anymore. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. I Samuel 18: 1-4
David stood, a lowly shepherd boy, before the king of Israel with Goliath head in his hand, an embodiment of raw courage. The great giant had been defeated by a mere lad! Can you remember the Sunday school song, only a boy named David, only a stone and sling….? Jonathan must have marveled at him, the day they first met!
You see, Goliath had wreaked havoc over forty days. King Saul and his army had been greatly afraid! They quivered in fear and dreamed of a hero. David stood to champion the king, but his own brother knocked him down, “Go back to your sheep”, he’d sneered. David still stood, and again they knocked him down. But word got out. Was Saul curious or just desperate when he sent for the brave boy? David was confident. Let no man’s heart fail because of him; your servant will go and fight with this Philistine. I Samuel 17:32. What was a giant…he’d already killed a lion and bear with his two hands.
18:1 Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 18:3 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. Jonathan was heir to the throne but David was God’s anointed. Can you see Jonathan that day? Watching this all unfold! Immediately he loved David. In fact, his first act of friendship was personal sacrifice. Giving David his belongings was just a foreshadowing of the greater loss he would suffer for his friend.
He never would be the king of Israel.
What is friendship to you?
Friendship is Jessica Dacharux.
And then, friendship is as everyday as my daily cup of coffee. My motor just doesn’t start without my mama or my sister. I can’t tell you when my mother went from being “mom” to one of my closest confidants, most likely when I realized she has more wisdom than I have sense. And then there's Fran , my wonderful sister Fran! She’s the second half of my brain… Together we have the answers to all the world’s problems. Oddly enough, we keep our ingenuity low key...…. But once we master back-chat and embarrassing pet behaviors, watch out Washington!
It seems so easy.
But we all know the truth. Friendship is hard work. For the three friends I have mentioned, I’ve run through thirty. They didn’t stick or I didn’t stay. Some were simply not meant to be, and that’s God’s grace. Jonathan would tell us that friendship is a gift you give away. Are you a Jonathan or a David? So many, many times I have been a David, the recipient.
I wonder though, did David doubt? Why would Jonathan, the son of a king, seek the company of a boy so ordinary? Yet, we know that David was far from average, he was chosen by The Most High. We have no reason to believe that David ever wavered. He accepted the gift as it was offered. These two were bound to each other by loyalty, responsibility and love.
Insecurities hinder relationships.
I’m guilty. I’ve cheated myself out of friendships. She's not really interested in me… “so and so” just wants something, we don’t have anything in common, my house is too messy, she's prettier than me, my butts too big…..(Yeah, these really are on a list of my insecurities!) Don’t be robbed. Friendship isn’t for the elite; it’s available for us all.
Accept it.
This sweet friend has a family that I admire and a joy that is contagious. She longs for the north, but lives in the south. And I'm just grateful that God brought her my way.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Just Scarfy
Today needs to end. Really, it does. I have accomplished.... nothing. I tried to clean the kitchen, but the kids insist on using every dish in the house three times a day. The dishwasher and my chapped hands screamed for mercy. As I was sweeping the floor I discovered balls bigger than the Cocoa Pebbles that Phoebe showered everywhere. Tiny turds. The joy of potty training. The broom is in the corner and the toddler is now wearing a pull-up. The laundry is piled on the sofa, waiting to be folded. The pile I folded is on the floor, scattered. Eight rolls of toilet paper evaporated and a whole box of wipes were flushed down the potty.
I sent the man to the store for taco fixings but I forgot to mention toilet paper. Worse yet, the taco fixings (plus a much needed six pack of Coke and a bag of Dove chocolates) cost $34.00. Has the world gone mad?
It's past bedtime and I have to pee... and Roo could really use a wipe or two!
Earlier today, I was telling my sister about my love affair with scarves. I heart them!!! Their loud, brilliant, beautiful colors make me happy, and they mask a multitude of sins. Shirt have a stain? Put a scarf on it! Too much cleavage? Put a scarf on it! Feel like a doormat? Put a scarf on it! Really, scarves are the best thing to come into fashion since the control top.
If only I could wrap a scarf around my day and feel good about it.
I sent the man to the store for taco fixings but I forgot to mention toilet paper. Worse yet, the taco fixings (plus a much needed six pack of Coke and a bag of Dove chocolates) cost $34.00. Has the world gone mad?
It's past bedtime and I have to pee... and Roo could really use a wipe or two!
Earlier today, I was telling my sister about my love affair with scarves. I heart them!!! Their loud, brilliant, beautiful colors make me happy, and they mask a multitude of sins. Shirt have a stain? Put a scarf on it! Too much cleavage? Put a scarf on it! Feel like a doormat? Put a scarf on it! Really, scarves are the best thing to come into fashion since the control top.
If only I could wrap a scarf around my day and feel good about it.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Homely Tasks
I sank down beside him on the couch Sunday night with my notebook and a pen. I was so smug about making a to-do list for Monday. Anything special you'd like me to add?
Him: Yeah, why don't you clean the house.
Me: Sure, and I'll dig a pool in the backyard with a spoon too!
I saw red. He had no idea that seven little words would ignite such fury in me.
You see, I thought my little list was showing some responsibility. I thought he'd be proud of my efforts.... Nah, all he really wants is a clean house. He's only lived in a dirty one for fourteen years.
I went from seething to stone silence and he just looked confused. Under all this molten lava lies a whole lot of shame. The kind of shame that makes your knees buckle, the kind that makes you grab your keys and run, the kind of shame that convinces you that you'll never be any better.
I threw the notebook against that wall and it's still stuck wherever it landed.
Our house is no cleaner, but the air is cleared. He loves me. Thank God, that man loves me!
It's 1:35 in the morning and I'm listening to his socks and underwear rumble in the dryer, that's love too.
I have so far to go....
I just read Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss. If I've ever heard the Lord shouting in my ear... it's been this week.
Him: Yeah, why don't you clean the house.
Me: Sure, and I'll dig a pool in the backyard with a spoon too!
I saw red. He had no idea that seven little words would ignite such fury in me.
You see, I thought my little list was showing some responsibility. I thought he'd be proud of my efforts.... Nah, all he really wants is a clean house. He's only lived in a dirty one for fourteen years.
I went from seething to stone silence and he just looked confused. Under all this molten lava lies a whole lot of shame. The kind of shame that makes your knees buckle, the kind that makes you grab your keys and run, the kind of shame that convinces you that you'll never be any better.
I threw the notebook against that wall and it's still stuck wherever it landed.
Our house is no cleaner, but the air is cleared. He loves me. Thank God, that man loves me!
It's 1:35 in the morning and I'm listening to his socks and underwear rumble in the dryer, that's love too.
I have so far to go....
I just read Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss. If I've ever heard the Lord shouting in my ear... it's been this week.
"Suppose then you content yourself for the present with doing in a faithful, quiet, persistent way all the little, homely tasks that return with each returning day, each one as unto God, and perhaps by and by you will thus have gained strength for a more heroic life." ~ Mrs. Cabot
Thursday, January 12, 2012
The Fight For Control I'm So Glad I Lost
My baby girl turns three years old in two weeks. Just one month before she was born I was being treated for clinical depression. In those dark days... all I felt was pain. I couldn't rise up out of my own mire. I wasted, I lost, I didn't even try. My mind was stuck. Stuck on words, stuck on actions, stuck on what I believed could be different. I was wrapped up in a coccoon of my own sinfulness.
My husband prayed.
God carried us.
During the unmedicated birth, I couldn't stay awake through the contractions. I was desperately depleted. It was only two hours of hard pain, but it felt like an eternity. I couldn't get a grip. I couldn't end it. I had no control.... I had no control..... I had no control.
And that is when my battle with God ended.
This was His plan.
I had indentured myself to the words and actions of stupid people.
God was merely delivering a gift.
My I can't do this became I can do all things through Christ, I can do all things through Christ, I can do all things through Christ..... And I prayed it with all of my heart.
I remember her lifting Ruby up to lay on my chest. All curled up into little ball, as if to say, Put me back! Such a precious bundle. I was overcome.
How could I have.....?
My midwife wrapped her arms around me and said, No matter how you felt, no matter what you said, this is the beginning.
He knew His gift was good.
Just the other day, while we driving around town at break-neck speed, Ruby kicked the back of my seat and said, I so happy, Mama! You happy too?
I. So. Happy. Too.
My husband prayed.
God carried us.
During the unmedicated birth, I couldn't stay awake through the contractions. I was desperately depleted. It was only two hours of hard pain, but it felt like an eternity. I couldn't get a grip. I couldn't end it. I had no control.... I had no control..... I had no control.
And that is when my battle with God ended.
This was His plan.
I had indentured myself to the words and actions of stupid people.
God was merely delivering a gift.
My I can't do this became I can do all things through Christ, I can do all things through Christ, I can do all things through Christ..... And I prayed it with all of my heart.
I remember her lifting Ruby up to lay on my chest. All curled up into little ball, as if to say, Put me back! Such a precious bundle. I was overcome.
How could I have.....?
My midwife wrapped her arms around me and said, No matter how you felt, no matter what you said, this is the beginning.
He knew His gift was good.
Just the other day, while we driving around town at break-neck speed, Ruby kicked the back of my seat and said, I so happy, Mama! You happy too?
I. So. Happy. Too.
Oh, give thanks to the God of heaven!
For His mercy endures forever.
For His mercy endures forever.
Psalm 136:26
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Trash Day and New Beginnings
I love Wednesday morning, merely because it's Trash Day. Our family can um, does accumulate an unsightly amount of garbage throughout the week and Trash Day is just plain liberating. Sadly, there's been more than one occasion when the boys forgot to take the cans to the curb on Tuesday night. Those bleak, dark mornings when I open my eyes and hear the screech of the trash truck leaving my col-de-sac without my junk, chaining me to seven more days with an ever growing mound of waste... heartbreaking.
The same emotions apply to New Year's. The opportunity to step over the threshold of 2012, without the failures and shortcomings of 2011, is glorious!
My failure in past resolutions has been my focus to become what I am not. Thus, burying myself under more guilt and disappointment. Because really, I don't want to end my love affair with Coca Cola.
This year's resolutions is different. I promise.
In 2012, I will just be me. Wife. Mama. Daughter. Sister. Friend.
You'll find me at home, making memories.
It's going to be a challenge. I've been distracted from my own life for a long time, present... but not available. So, here's to longer kisses, bedtime stories, recipe swapping, coffee drinking, game playing, long walks, family dinners, laughter, mess making......and all things found at home.
I can't afford to miss this.
The same emotions apply to New Year's. The opportunity to step over the threshold of 2012, without the failures and shortcomings of 2011, is glorious!
My failure in past resolutions has been my focus to become what I am not. Thus, burying myself under more guilt and disappointment. Because really, I don't want to end my love affair with Coca Cola.
This year's resolutions is different. I promise.
In 2012, I will just be me. Wife. Mama. Daughter. Sister. Friend.
You'll find me at home, making memories.
It's going to be a challenge. I've been distracted from my own life for a long time, present... but not available. So, here's to longer kisses, bedtime stories, recipe swapping, coffee drinking, game playing, long walks, family dinners, laughter, mess making......and all things found at home.
I can't afford to miss this.
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