Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The Cry of a Frustrated Preacher's Wife

I haven't blogged, but not because I have nothing to say. I feel as though our family is on the verge of....

See,this is what really, really stinks. I have no idea. And if I did have an idea, I have no clue how we could pull it off.

I know that our passion is even more passionate. Our convictions are sharper than they have ever been. Our desire to serve is as strong as ever, probably stronger.

We both sense God moving, directing us... but the path is still unclear.

Wayne's been filling the pulpit at a couple of churches this past month. Never before has he preached with such freedom. It's been a joy to witness.

But, I tell you what, I feel such oppression in these churches. Such tradition, such bureaucracy. The lack of Spirit is stifling. I walk out in a stupor.

I. Don't. Want. To. Go. Back.

I don't want to go back to the days of preacher-eaters and deacon-kings. I just don't want to.

I want us to fly.

I want us to be real.

I want to us to be a part of His work.

I want us to be authentic. Not pressured, not guilted, not expected, not fake.

I want my children to learn how to serve, not just be entertained.

I want to go out on a limb.

My sweet sister sent me a copy of  7, by Jen Hatmaker and I've only dog-eared 1/2 of the pages. It's like she has been living in my head. I love her heart.

Teaching by example, radical obedience, justice, mercy, activism, and sacrifice wholly inspire me. I'm at the point where "well done" trumps "well said". When I see kingdom work in the middle of brokenness, when mission transitions from the academic soil of the mind into the sacrificial work of some one's hands, I am utterly affected. Obedience inspires me. Servant leaders inspire me.
Humility inspires me. ~ Jen Hatmaker

Her book was too good to keep to myself, so I read it out loud to Wayne. And then I ordered her husband Brandon's book, Barefoot Church. This couple has rocked our world.

Fran, thank you for the book. Brandon and Jen Hatmaker, thank you for your obedience and inspiration.

The tension (aka frustration) that has been building in our hearts is from the Lord.

I don't know how many conversations I've had with friends about "being real" recently and fearing that I'm just a fake.

What have I done for the fatherless lately? The homeless? The trafficked? The lost?

They need more than my sympathy.

More than my uber-faithfulness at church... Blessing the blessed, as Jen said.

Yep, that's where we're at friends.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work,
that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach,
and it will be given to him.
James 1: 2-5


  1. I'm glad you got me to read this book. I'm scared to read the Barefoot Church though.

    I always feel like we're on the verge of something that we haven't identified yet too. Jump together on the count of three?

    1. I'd jump with you anytime! Praying for you today.