Before you read any further, listen to Chris August's song 7 x 70. I love this song.
He clung to me and begged forgiveness, but I was numb. I had slipped into self-preservation mode. Shielding myself from my own child has become second nature. And then this song came on the radio. This could be my boy's anthem. He breaks my heart and then I return the favor. Lord, help me.
Have you ever noticed the day after a big storm? It's bright and clear, as it was in this house today. Laughing at MegaMind, stuffing Easter eggs, planning tomorrow's menu. You'd never know that yesterday we hung off the ledge. Why?
HE know's we need this calm... to collect ourselves, to gather our strength, to mend the fences.
Forever my joy, my delight, my son. As much as I fear that I have failed you, I pray that God will knit us tighter to Him, to each other. More storms will blow, more fences will fall. You'll never have to mend them alone, I promise.
Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes" Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, "Lord, I believe: help my unbelief!" Mark 9:23-24.
Thank God for days of grace and healing! I think any one of us could have written this at one time or another. It is easy to lay blame, but you only fail if you stop trying. You are an awesome Mama. For one thing, you allow permanent markers in your house. That's just cool, and it is just one of the ways I am in awe of you! I love you!
ReplyDeleteToday, of all days, holy and otherwise, symbolizes new beginnings. From you I learned, joy always comes in the morning.
ReplyDeletePS - I showed my mom your friendship post when I saw her today.
Thank you for this. I have some fences to mend w/ one child in particular. May God heal our hearts from unintended wounds.
ReplyDeleteWow, do I understand self-preservation. You always make me cry, durnit. There were times and are times when I just want to roll up into a ball and ignore the world, especially my children. Sometimes I think if I just stay away from them, not talk to them, then they can't hurt me. Doesn't work, I can't stay away from them, I'm willing to put myself out there and chance it because I love them so much. When I look at how much I hurt my Heavenly Father (daily) I sometimes think "why does he put up with me?" I know why, because He loves ME so much and He forgives me. Thanks Reagan.
ReplyDeleteAnd me, Lord! Help my unbelief, too.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness!! I totally agree with the fact that your blogs usually make me cry!! Somehow I always stumble upon your posts exactly when I need them! After a long and hard day with the sweetest, most stubborn 3yo I know sometimes I just want to ball up on the couch and hide under the blanket. And just when I'm about to break, she says her her sweetest voice, "Momma you are the best Momma in the world!" After the day we had, I can't even imagine that!! I am just thanking Jesus for reminding me after such a rough day about His forgiveness and grace in the voice of my sweet, sweet child! Thanks Reagan for always posting exactly what I need to hear!!
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