Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Inconsistantly Yours,

If you could see into my soul, you'd see that my greatest disappointment is myself. It's the truth. The title of this blog says it all, my life is chaotic. In fact, I seem to manufacture unhealthy levels of chaos. This week I have implemented a schedule for our family. The kiddos are thriving on the predictable rhythm of the day, but it's killing their mother. Order scares me. It makes my toes curl up in frustration. Like a hummingbird, I flit and flutter from one thing to another. I don't know how to function any other way.

Life these days is showing me that it's time to change. It's not about me. It's not about what I know or what makes me tick. It's about them. One great man, and five beautiful babies. It's about the others, too. The precious people I seek to serve. And there's the catch. No balance, just well intended chaos. I spend an evening baking a meatloaf for a widower only to feed my kids stale cereal. My ear is bent for hours on the phone, sympathizing. Yet, my husband's first waking prayer is that he'll find a pair of clean underwear.
See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:15-16.

I have found courage in a cloud of witnesses. There are other women, wives and mothers, who give of themselves wholeheartedly, and in order. I watch them, I read about them and I am moved. These sweet souls have graciously hung the little red feeder out on the patio and this thirsty hummingbird is drinking in the goodness. Authentic counsel. Everyday sinners just like me. Thriving in grace. Yeah, I'll drink their kool-aid. Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin that so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1

Follow these links to the blogs of some incredible sisters: This Crazy LifeLittle Pieces of OrdinaryA Holy ExperienceEmbracing Girl Friday, and Mercy Days.

This summer the She Speaks Conference will be held in North Carolina. It would be an honor to attend. The conference is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of our Father God and that your heart is to serve Him and His daughters, as He leads. A Holy Experience is providing one very blessed individual with a scholarship. It could be you!


  1. I think we've all been there. Slapping hands away as we make a meal to take somewhere while hungry stomachs grumble at home.

    Your greatest gift has always been your ability to encourage. You need to turn some of that inward. You are amazing! Always have been, always will be.

  2. Reagan I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR! I understand exactly what you are talking about. It was almost a year ago that I was busy serving everyone else BUT my husband. He finally lovingly sat me down and told me how he loved the way I served others, but he also wanted me to serve him! It truly broke my heart! I did not even realize I was doing that! I battle daily with this problem, but I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father and a wonderful husband who show me grace everyday! You can do this! I will be praying for you. Also, I recommend reading Shopping for Time by Carolynn Mahaney and her daughters. It really helped me out! Love you!

  3. Wow, Reagan, when you attain that normalcy that everyone else has but seems to elude you, please let me know how you did it. I too throughout my daughters years growing up so wished I could be like those perfect Moms that had those houses that shined (Debbie clean)(ask my daughter)and could be that super Christian that everyone just loved, I needed validation. I wanted to be the best! Boy, I didn't and don't even come close. But on my bathroom wall I have something from Beth Moore taped on a piece of paper that I read every day. It says "This is who you are Lord. And this is who I am. And in this day I have all the security and value I need." Reagan, you and your family are such a blessing and have been throughout my childrens lives. I love you guys. Now that Im blubbering, thanks. If I can help, let me know.

  4. I think I'm missing that organizational gene too. I do pray consistently and honestly for God to change me and remake me, and slowly He is!

  5. You have just described me! Especially this: "Order scares me. It makes my toes curl up in frustration. Like a hummingbird, I flit and flutter from one thing to another. I don't know how to function any other way."
    Me too. And just like you, God is speaking to me about this, too. It is so. hard. Yet, I am reminded that we reap what we sow and that sowing in tears will reap shouts of joy. For me, trying to create order and routine might have to be done with tears, yet trusting for that joy-harvest. Prayers for you, too Reagan! May His grace be sufficient for both of us. :)