I was called into the counselor's office after my boy's session last week. He assured me that I had a great kid. But then he said, "His level of anxiety is on a whole other plain than you or me." I nodded my head, this is why we came. Apparently, my boy's greatest fears revolve around his dad. He fears that Daddy will have another stroke, that Daddy will lose his job, that Daddy won't make enough money to pay the bills. My poor precious boy. I am filled with shame that I haven't, that I didn't shield him. I could have saved him from this pain.
"Loose lips sink ships." I haven't been quiet about my own anxieties. I have aired my fears and frustrations just as I would the laundry on the line. I made it public information. I thought that I was the one enduring the hardship of a miserable church, our financial tsunami and Wayne's health scare...But I wasn't the only one. Five pairs of eyes watch everything I do, they hear everything I say, they feel the full weight of my burdens. All of the energy I used to claw my way out of the pit, only to be burying my child in it! I am guilty.
All of that said, these last few weeks have been good. I can see spring budding in our home. We've been winterized for too long....just waiting for things to get better. Spring has come. Might not be the last of the frost though..... Lord, I need You!
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6
Oh..this speaks to me...
ReplyDeleteDern Reagan,you ARE human like the rest of us. That is so comforting to know. lol You know "that which does not kill you makes you stronger."
ReplyDeleteI heard that somewhere. It's gonna be okay. You are such an example for the rest of us. Thanks
So the upside of this is that he knows you aren't a robot. You worry, you fear, you shed tears of sorrow AND of joy.
ReplyDeleteLearning how to handle worry and stress is a lifelong lesson for all of us. He's learning this the hard way early but maybe learning to deal with it now will serve him for a lifetime bound to have some bumps in the road.
Wishing you a spring of renewal!
My sweet friend, I am lifting you and the little man. I remember when Reign was little and hearing "Be careful little ears what you hear..." I thought that is the craziest kids song because it is about us as parents.... Be careful what we say for little ears are all around, be careful what we do, little eyes. So many times John and I hum the tune if we are airing to much in front of the kids. The problem is me, when I am at home with them and I need to vent. Oh I have been blowing my laundry so many times and the truth is, it stinks. And it even stinks when I "smell" it on them.
ReplyDeleteFather I lift Reagan to you, may she and I remember to do all things with out grumbling or complaining. When we do not know what tomorrow brings help us to remember who brings tomorrow. Help us to care for our children's ears and eyes, that we will not be the influence we fight so hard to keep away from them. Give Reagan a new day tomorrow and pour out your grace on each little heart. Make her anxiety and worry hold fast for your ears and make the impressions already left simply fade with time. Make this young man a Mighty Warrior full of faith. Allow this to bring him to a reliance on You that is amazing to others. Bless him and Reagan, allow both to be able to use this time to minister to others one day. Asking all this and more, In Jesus name, Amen
Grace GREATER than our sin. Offering prayers for the little one today.
ReplyDeleteReagan, even in your hardships and troubles you are so uplifting! The hope and strength that you show helps me to know that my battles have already been won. We'll be praying for your sweet family. Miss your kids playing over here on Perdue!! ~Amber
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