Wednesday, September 26, 2012

What I've Gained By Losing

"Mom, what good came from your dad dying?" asks my nine year old daughter, as she sweeps the kitchen floor.

Instinctively, I just want to shush her and change the subject. Her random question is like an arrow straight into my heart. I have way too much to do today.....and I don't really want to think about it.

But the deed is done.

She and her brothers have done this to me before. They ask completely innocent questions that send me reeling back to the point of loss.

"Mom, remember when you lost those babies? Did that make you sad?"

"I miss our old house, do you?"

"If she's your sister why don't you talk to each other?"

"Why didn't that church call Dad?"

Losing hurts....

The fact is, the center of my universe died on November 24, 1992. Although it's been nearly twenty years, I still miss him.


A part of me wants to tell my little girl, "No honey, nothing good came from losing my daddy." You see, I remember how it all changed after he died. I can still feel the emptiness. Our family, that I thought was bound tight, kind of unravelled without him. He made us feel safe. Without him, we lost that strong sense of security and direction.

 Truth is, Baby Girl, life goes on.... and God put people in my life who stood in the gap for me.

They were standing there on November 24...

They're standing here with me today.

I've been showered by goodness and I've been the recipient of much love and compassion. Losing my dad left an enormous hole in my heart, but all these years later, I can see what I've gained. I can count the life of my father as a blessing. I can appreciate how others have served me and in return, I can serve others.

 Each loss I've suffered has developed more real estate in my heart. More room to grow, more room to love.

I want to minister as I have been ministered to. I want to mother as I have been mothered. I want to give back....

No! In all these things we will do even more than win! We owe it all to Christ, who has loved us. I am absolutely sure that not even death or life can seperate us from God's love. Not even angels or demons, the present or the future, or any powers can do that. Not even the highest places or the lowest, or anything else in all creation can do that. Nothing at all can ever seperate us from God's love because of what Christ Jesus our Lord has done. Romans 8:37-39


  1. How perceptive Annie is. I think she wears her momma's heart in her little body.

    So sorry it's been 20 years without your dad; so glad it's been 20 years of people standing in the gap.

  2. "Each loss I've suffered has developed more real estate in my heart." This spoke to me -- thank you!!